The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: One Way Ticket to Hell

Brandi's Malibu party turned all kinds of ugly when Camille's friend pushed a deeply rattled Taylor to forgive and forget
Ep. 14 | Aired Dec 5, 2011

WEDGE PARTY Deeper cuts were made to the Housewives fold as Taylor lashed out hysterically at Camille.


Camille brought her faithful friends D.D., who always seemed like a reasonable woman, and Elizabeth as back-up. "It's because we love you and we will be there," promised D.D. as they got into the limo. Cut to Taylor who reminded us that she had terrible anxiety and that she was feeling really stressed out by the prospect of seeing Camille. "I am not ready to receive an apology, accept an apology, or even think about seeing her at this point," she said. Which is why you should've made it a Blockbuster night. She enlisted Kyle as her back-up and she asked her warrior friend to make sure no one walked all over her. Would that her back-up had also diluted Taylor's glass of wine, probably the woman's worst enemy of the evening, with water.

We segued back and forth between limo rides. "I think that Taylor is worried that Russell will hurt her if he knows what Camille said," guessed Kyle, who voiced again in her private interview confusion about just what exactly went down in the Armstrong household. Camille wished Taylor had just left her out altogether of her attack on Lisa at the tea party. Taylor doesn't want to put icing on a cake and make it pretty anymore. D.D. thinks it's rude that Taylor didn't respond to Camille's five texts. As the first limo pulled up to the Malibu house, Camille gave D.D. her final instructions to drag her out of drama's way. Unfortunately what D.D. heard was to hit the wine table hard, then dive headfirst into drama, wildly thrashing her arms and demanding impunity for her noble mistress.

Weirdly that girl Jen, the sensitive counselor from Sober House, is friends with Brandi and was at the party. With her job, surely this evening didn't count as recreation for her. She just kind of stood around looking nervous, silently diagnosing people with her worried eyes. Adrienne arrived and looked way too shellacked for a beach party. When Taylor and Kyle finally showed up, everyone seemed in a blowsy mood. "Hi, I'm sorry," Camille said, going in to hug Taylor. First Taylor seemed to melt in the endless embrace, then she stiffened and her eyes bugged. She detached herself then rubbed at her lipstick and smoothed her flat hair. D.D. gave Camille a big thumbs up which should have been Camille's first clue that her back-up was sloshed.

Oh Kyle, what do you care if Brandi wore a one-ply or two-ply Kleenex for a dress? She was clearly trying to be a nice hostess and was paying Kyle nothing but respect as she nattered on about how hot Mauricio is (respect must be paid!) and how much he clearly adores his wife. Something (her nipples?) about Brandi brings out the meanest in Kyle and I imagine she'll once again be apologizing for her cattiness in her Bravo blog. "Mrrrr-eow!" "It's a wedge but no bra party." "What is this, Showgirls? Put on a bra." Kyle took a brief break from making snide remarks to demand a jingly scarf and remind us that she can do the splits and whip her hair back and forth. That woman is lobbying hard for a slot on the next Dancing with the Stars. Then she found a green laser pointer and made fun of Brandi's nipples. Yeesh, even I'm tiring of her going after Brandi.

NEXT: Train wreck

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