The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: The End is Lanai

The gang heads to Hawaii for Mauricio's birthday, while a disinvited Taylor makes her presence known from afar.
Ep. 17 | Aired Jan 2, 2012

HAWAII TAKE ME AWAY Everything went wrong at Kyle's White Party, including her hair.

Bravo

What's old is new in 2012. The episode opened back in that mortifying limo. Russell, his boil set to low, had all of his energy focussed on that disturbing slow twiddle of his thumbs. Taylor sat stiff in the corner, looking simultaneously petrified and like she was ready to scratch his eyes out. Both of them were stunned that they'd been barred from entering Kyle's party because of something Camille said on camera. "It was exaggerated," said Taylor. It was unclear whether she was trying to save her ass from his wrath or remind her husband there was some truth to Camille's outburst. "Yeah, absolutely," said Russell, backtracking. "It was an out-and-out lie." Taylor's face twitched at this and Russell's jaw tightened. Both of them, nuts.

Back inside the party Kim cocked her head back and forth with confusion. Taylor had been kicked out? Was she drinking? Too many prescription meds? Lisa and Camille tried explaining the situation and Kim just gave a relieved little loony tunes laugh. "Thank God it's not me this year," she said rather ruthlessly. (Oh honey, it still is.) Kyle gathered in the sane room to bemoan the terrifying confusion of the whole ordeal. God forbid if Russell actually did beat up Taylor and God forbid if he was innocent of Taylor's claims. Dana spoke up and delivered her one redeeming line of the season."If my girl said it, it happened," she insisted, which is the loyalty any woman would want to hear from a friend in such a situation. That said, the camera then cut close in on Dana's Aqua Net teased and sprayed bangs. Two steps forward, one step back.

Who wants to go to Hawaii?! (Not Kim.) Lisa was packing in her enormous sun-drenched closet, wearing a fur-ribbed peignoir, her hair in its finest Jaclyn Smith glory."You know Giggy's not going to Hawaii," she told Ken. Oh pooh, Ken had already dressed the pup in a wittle Hawaiian shirt and grey dolly sweat pants. (One day can we please see the inside of Giggy's closet?) In other news, Ken ran into Cedric who delighted in sharing the news that he was now working as a life coach for a famous, famous, famous, crazy famous interior designer. "More like a life roach," smirked Lisa. Zing!

At this point, the Bravo production crew has strict orders to include a shot of both a shirtless Mauricio and an adorably attired Portia in every episode. "Honey, no more working out!" Kyle called out to her husband. Oh baby, this is going to be good. Mauricio bounded into the shot wearing nothing but a sweaty torso, sexy necklace and gym shorts. Quick cut to Portia looking happy and slightly dazed in a sequin shift and purple cape. While I don't want to bite the hand that feeds, even I know when I'm being manipulated.

NEXT: Kim misses her flight. Blames life.

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