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UP A BEAVER CREEK Taylor surprised Kyle and Kim with news that she was
so drunk in love.
Adrienne continued to insist that nothing of their litigious behavior over the last several weeks is proof that they're in fact litigious. "What's legal action? Talking to your lawyer? Everyone talks to their lawyer." Their bottom line was that if Brandi would just watch what came out of her mouth occasionally they would call off their team of lawyers. "You're a loose cannon," accused Paul. "Welcome to the United F---ing States of America," said Brandi. (Is our country known for its lack of restrictions on loose cannons?) At this point Lisa's heaving bosom entered the scene and whatever tense truce had been struck went out the window. "Friends don't sue friends," reminded Ken. "We could've taken umbrage against Bernie and you for what you said. We didn't." That really made Paul fussy, but he should know better than to go after Ken. You will always lose! Paul huffed that Lisa had threatened his wife's shoe business when she rattled off her Maloof Hoof jab and Ken scoffed. "That made that shoe," he said, to Brandi's delight. Has there ever been a more effortlessly cool couple than Lisa and Ken? When will someone make dolls out of them so I can set them on my mantelpiece and ask them for life advice?
Taylor had sat silent and fish-eyed on the sofa for too long without anyone acknowledging her. When would Adrienne admit to their hypocrisy?! Uh, how about never? Adrienne and Paul snapped in unison. Taylor's friend Dwight tried to sum up their bad behavior but Paul wasn't interested in hearing from a hanger-on. "Dwight ,what are you doing here Dwight? I don't want to hear it. So why don't you buzz off!" Poor Dwight. Ken suggested Paul and Adrienne cover Brandi's legal fees and then bygones will be bygones. Paul told Ken to go suck on a cheeseburger and Brandi scooted off with her Mom and Pop to the dance floor. Taylor cried on Brandi's friend Jennifer's shoulder that nobody knows the troubles she's seen and Adrienne refused to get up from the sofa for the rest of the night, so terrified was she of the cameras getting a close-up of the tawny-colored oil spill soaking into the pale fabric beneath her.
Next week: Voom voom shebang, an intervention and a possible fall off the wagon.