The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Think of the Karma!

Kim has a new nose, Taylor a new boyfriend, and Kyle another White Party. Nude lipstick as far as the eye can see!
Ep. 14 | Aired Feb 18, 2013

UP A BEAVER CREEK Taylor surprised Kyle and Kim with news that she was so drunk in love.


We got a rare glimpse of Adrienne and Paul's kids as the family splish-splashed around their luxury pool. Amidst the fun Paul suddenly stopped, sniffed the air, and sensed an opportunity for him to flex his pectoral muscles in the air like the caveman he longs to be. Where there's smoke, there's a chance that your nemesis' former mansion is on fire. Paul started grunting nonsensical orders, running in and out of his front gate. (Flashback to Paul lingering at the foot of the driveway with a nice latte when Taylor tried to make a run from Lisa's tea party last season.) Whatever, Adrienne was so outta there. She piled her kids into her giant SUV and told Paul she'd gleefully run him down if he didn't get in the car or out of her way.

A little 25,000 square foot house fire wasn't going to get in the way of Kyle's white party though. She tended to the last-minute preparations, nervously eyeing the giant blow-up of a white Faye Resnick on top of the pool stage. Meanwhile, Paul and Adrienne had showered the soot off of themselves and swathed themselves in white. Paul told Adrienne he liked her dress. Touched by the compliment she shoved his wrist without looking at him and told him he looked nice too. Can you feel the love tonight? Then they bonded over Brandi's brouhaha over the supposed lawsuit. "There's no letter!" they lied to each other. And besides that, where does she get off whining about as a struggling single mother she can't handle the burden of litigious friends. "Does that mean you can never do whatever you want? Because you're a mother?" Adrienne wanted Paul to be sanguine about the matter. "You know what they say about karma?" she said.  "It's a ..." Let me finish that sentence for you. It's a' coming for you Adrienne, and its name is REUNION.

At the party Brandi was in danger of being overcome by her anxiety. She tried to cover up her nerves with aggressive displays of horniness. "I want to suck that gap in his teeth," she growled over one of Mauricio's real estate agents. (So that's what happened to Rico Suave! He made a practical career move.) Taylor showed up and, wearing her most insincere, vaguely menacing smile, played coy with Kim over her Beaver Creek adventure. It was just nice to have someone hold her hand and order her dinner for a change. Yeah, that's what my four-year-old said to her Daddy when we went out for pizza last night.

Kyle was determined to stay away from the drama that night so she exiled herself to a giant Pacman float in the middle of the pool. But then she saw Paul mauling a cheeseburger as if it was Brandi's face and she made Mauricio paddle themselves to shore because s--- was getting ready to go down. Adrienne and Faye huddled around the bar, badmouthing that condescending Lisa. It's just that they're the type of women who like to lift people up rather than put them down. High five for moral superiority! (Yikes, imagine the spray tan splotches on those palms.)

Soon enough Brandi sent one of her gorgeous model soldiers over to get Adrienne. But it's not like Paul was going to let his wife have a dramatic scene without him. The three got into it, with Adrienne insisting that she would only call Brandi trash behind her back, never to her face. To do otherwise would not be nice and if we know one thing about Adrienne is how strong her Nice radar is. Brandi wondered if it was nice of their chef Brandi to sell stories about her to Radar Online and by the way she has the proof he did that. "Obviously if he's doing it we can't have him around anymore," said Paul. "Because that's not good, he can sell stories about anybody." And he will Paul!

NEXT: Ken calls bulls---

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