Call me a sucker but I still root for Kyle and Lisa. This is not New York City, Kyle is no Jill Zarin, and nobody ever hissed "We are done!" into a telephone. Kyle has a bitchy streak and courts drama despite all her protestations otherwise. But these are forgivable offenses on reality TV.
Much of tonight's episode took place at Lisa's sumptuous Villa Rosa. In the beginning, Kyle went over to see if the old friends could make things right. First they rehashed the dinner debacle in Vegas. Poor Kyle's anxiety! Lisa's splotchy chest! "I never should have even mentioned Adrienne's name," Kyle finally admitted. But what Lisa wanted to hear her say is that she should have told Camille to STFU over her nonsense suggestions that she didn't own SUR, and told Adrienne to do the same at the Reunion. Kyle wanted Lisa to stop holding a grudge. "But I know you'll never defend me," said Lisa. She insisted Kyle apologize but Kyle wouldn't be forced into groveling. Then Kyle started whimpering and it was too much for Lisa's Harlequin heart. "Darling," she said. "Don't cry." The setting sun cast a rosy gold hue on the women. Lisa's neon pink bra glowed from beneath her tight white blouse. "No talking behind each other's back," insisted Lisa as she raised her glass. "To moving on," said Kyle. As far as I could tell nothing had been resolved.
Could we please get some sweeping 360 views of the Malibu homes owned by people who can afford two or three horses? If Yolanda opened a roadside lemonade stand and saved her nickels maybe one day she too will be able to scrape together enough change for another pony. Brandi met her in the ring for a pep talk and Yolanda bucked her up in preparation for Lisa's impending tea party. "Adrienne is a very insecure woman who is using her status to intimidate people. If she had balls and she felt strongly about her conviction she would pick up the phone...When you go to that tea party just keep telling yourself that. Step back and look at it and go 'Screw you. I mean who are you, really?' Who is Adrienne Maloof in this world?" If this is Yolanda's brain on undiagnosed lyme disease I really hope they bring her back for a second season.
At Villa Rosa, two SUR bartenders Peter and Jax had finished their last set of push-ups and were ready to start filming. (Wait a second. Is Peter Lourdes' father?) Taylor brought Lisa a vibrator as a housewarming gift. Brandi took Taylor on a lingering tour of the house. Somehow the two ended up in Ken's closet where they spooked like kids walking in on their parents having sex over a smoking hot picture of a naked Lisa. Then poor Marisa showed up and her one line of the night involved whining about how after 16 years together she'd sure like to have sex with somebody other than Deanie. This Housewives gig is not going how she hoped. I for one think there's more to you than regret Marisa!
NEXT: Taylor is ready to throw