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DID I SHAVE MY LEGS FOR THIS? Brandi got hit with a load of Faye at Kyle's dinner party.
On the night of her party Kyle put the finishing touches on her predictable outfit. Black rhinestone encrusted jumpsuit, check. Double wide elastic rhinestone superhero bracelets, activated. Is this the first time we've met trial Housewife Marisa Zanuck? She'd be beautiful if her skin wasn't so stretched tight and glycerine smooth. Beverly Hills women: It's the freckles, the laugh lines, a face's character that is the stuff of true beauty. Do not fear an expression! Brandi needed an extra shot of confidence to walk back into the lioness' den so she went with another animal print vest. At Kyle's house she loomed over the other women like a flamingo in a circle of hens. Marisa was a tourist looking up at Brandi's Empire State Building.
"My dining room is exactly what I want and love," said Kyle as Lisa looked around in quiet disbelief at all the glass shelves and pussy willow wallpaper and shiny rose-colored curtains. Brandi started off well, saying she assumed Adrienne's place card would have trumped hers, but within seconds she was snarking on Adrienne's made-up book deal. It obviously came from a place of defensiveness but it's these moments of pettiness that undermine all of the good will she's built up. "She's been horrible to me and that's just what it is," said Brandi. "What was done to you that you're so upset about?" demanded Faye. Brandi alleged that Adrienne called her to the Polo Lounge to discuss going against Lisa before the reunion. That sounded snaky enough but hardly a good enough reason to throw a grenade into the Maloof pool. But Faye clearly wasn't here to stand up for Adrienne, and instead wanted Brandi to roll over for past tensions with Kyle. Send flowers, primly suggested Camille. Call and apologize, insisted Kyle. This made Lisa snort, and point out that Kyle was hardly the apologizing type after last year's game night debacle. Kyle started wagging her finger at Lisa, which gave Faye an opportunity to take her bullhorn back in Brandi's face.
"Forget the flowers, send her an orchid," she said. Not going to happen, said Brandi, and none of your business for that matter. "Excuse me, it's everybody's business at this point," said Faye. It's America's business! "I kind of agree with Brandi," said Marisa, which was as unexpected as Yolanda's workout montage. Welcome Marisa! "You don't even know Brandi, you don't even know Brandi," Faye said, inelegantly shutting her down. Then she really hit Brandi with a fusillade of unrequested analysis: "I think you attack people a lot, I think you probably need a lot of attention. You say things that are hurtful. I just think that you've been hurt a lot and you have to viciously attack people." Brandi maintained that she will come back at you when attacked, which admittedly is becoming a tired line of defense. "And now you're going to start attacking me," said Faye, clueless or self-absorbed enough not to realize that she in fact had been on the attack for the last 20 minutes. "I'm very well aware of what's going to happen here." Brandi then did something completely out of character. She both read the writing on the wall-paper ("You're doing this for attention") and then gracefully excused herself from a bummer evening. Kyle dramatically rubbed her temples and pretended to be upset.
Next episode: Scheana and Brandi meet; compare spring break tattoos.