Image credit: Ben Cohen/Bravo
GOOD MORNING ANGELS The alliance of Yolanda, Brandi, and Lisa is not long for the cause.
Dog montage! Okay, this was easily the best two minutes of the show. Can Kingsley please be a series regular? Or can he have a spin-off show or maybe Kristen Bell could star in the Lifetime Kimberly Richards Movie and it just be the story of how one dog brought a former child star back from the brink? Somebody in Hollywood hear my cry. Kim tried her best to speak to her pup in her stern voice, but that little fella was not going to give up that thing that was clearly not a dog toy in his mouth. Kingsley, not the gorilla! This is why we watch the Housewives, everyone. It's not for the dresses or the drama, it's for moments like Kim and Kingsley under the bed scrapping over the same squeakie toy.
Speaking of scrapping, Lisa seems to be jonesing for one with Kyle. The digs, they kept coming. Kyle's not a business woman. Kyle's days as a Pantene model may be numbered. Kyle's a big fat liar. No interaction between these two was comfortable last night and I have to say Lisa was the one leaving the worse taste in my mouth.
Who knew Bravo would just flip through the Beverly Hill Chamber of Commerce rolodex to cast their two new Housewives? Joyce seemed like a long-haired ding-a-ling, who really wanted the world to know about her producer husband's big pee pee. I'm with Carlton on this one: "I don't want to picture someone I've just met naked, with something flapping." Carlton has three kids, and I'm going to disagree with Joyce on this and call Cross the most palatably named of the bunch. Carlton seemed unimpressed by the lot of them, curling her lip in disdain at Joyce and Kyle in particular.
In the kitchen, Brandi and Kim got on like old chums. That "singer" Scheana, who slept with Eddie back in the day, popped over for another plate of appetizers at one point and she dared tell Brandi that she looked awful purdy.
Nice rotten tooth, you skank "What happened to your tooth?" asked a concerned Brandi. The poor little panda fell down and knocked her two front teeth out. Scheana went outside to cry on boss ma'am Lisa's shoulder. "I'm a singer," she whined. "My mouth is literally everything to me. "
Then the SUR girls.... Hey wait a second, this isn't a two-hour premiere episode of the Real Housewives. And I've already been tricked into spending minutes of my life with these terrible Axe Body Spray models. Out!
Well friends: Were you too surprised at Lisa's smirking and slinking around? Could this finally be the season she turns into a villain? Any first impressions on Joyce or Carlton? Would you too watch a show starring Kingsley?