Image credit: Ben Cohen/Bravo
GOOD MORNING ANGELS The alliance of Yolanda, Brandi, and Lisa is not long for the cause.
The show kicked off with a visit to Gigi's Runyon Canyon photo shoot. Yolanda perhaps wanted a do-over on her stage mom persona after last year. So she wore her best Katniss braid and kept her critiques to "all I see is just a much, much better version of me" and "wow, your body looks amazing." And it did. Way to make me feel bad about myself, Gigi. Mom and daughter walked off the set, arms entwined, marveling over the benefits of exercising every day and only eating salads. Yolanda did manage to slip in the fact that she's had a terrible several months treating her Lyme disease. Brandi has been there for her, unlike Kyle. Ahem.
But how could Kyle have been there for her? She's still smarting from Yolanda's betrayal in Paris. (The tape clearly does suggest that Yolanda did in fact lie or simply misremember the truth, yes?) Plus she's got ghastly pink leather jackets to try on at her strangely named store. And she's got to Google what exactly a Chamber of Commerce is, so excuse her for not sending over sugar-free jugs of cleanse when Yolanda was in the hospital.
Brandi is moving on up, to a deluxe rental with baroque window dressings in the Va-al-ley! Her realtor is the man in the white that she did not in fact screw in Portia's bathroom, thank you very much. But they've done it in every For Lease property off the 405 since. "The problem is," she told J.R. (you can't make this stuff up), "there are all these windows and I tend to walk around naked a lot." Poor Jakey!
Hold on, quick break to go fantasize about Gleb... Okay, Lisa is knee deep into her short stint on Dancing with the Stars and her body is banging. The fact that she's lost some weight is driving Kyle bananas by the way.
Oh dear, Lisa bought a smug chill with her to Kyle's house. In an effort to
give Bravo what they needed make nice with Lisa, Kyle asked SUR to cater her nonsensical Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce party. Lisa agreed, then moved on to what she called the elephant in the room. Enter Mauricio. "Wazzup!" he said, though his heart wasn't in it. Lisa pounced on the moment to goose the tabloid rumors about their marriage. Has he come home to impregnate Kyle? Is Portia the young babe he's supposedly cheating on Kyle with? Like Lady Gaga, I appreciate that Lisa doesn't give any f---s. But play clean when Portia is in the room. Not cool.
NEXT: Destiny, Mysteri and Cross. Literally.