The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Faith No More (In This Season)

Carlton hosts a horrible party, manufactures drama with Kyle, casts spell on Joyce. 
Ep. 13 | Aired Jan 27, 2013

WEREBABIES Bravo recently auditioned this doll/puppy/monster to be a replacement for Carlton.


The next day Yolanda invited the women over to her oasis to paint tiles for Gigi's new college dorm. Why Gigi would want a square hanging on her wall painted by Joyce or Carlton is beyond me but I trust the judgment of a woman who can pull off those chunky turquoise glasses. Yolanda was not pleased when Lisa texted two minutes before the gathering that she was too busy to attend. Doesn't Yo understand how busy Lisa is what with two shows? She had to film a scene of pretending to care that one of her "waitresses" slapped another "waitress."

Carlton showed up in a foul mood and laying her hands on Yolanda's crystal—not a euphemism—didn't help matters. When Joyce wondered if they should leave the wine in the kitchen for Brandi rather than lug it up the steps she decided she'd really had enough. Enough with the labels! she cried, although nobody had used any labels. Up on the hill she asked the women if Kyle had been talking s--- on her. They all said No. Yeah, well, the thing was Carlton had this dream and that was all she needed to talk s--- on a woman for (again, in her dream) talking s--- on her. It may have been the world's dumbest, meanest display of literally manufactured drama yet on a Real Housewives.

Joyce was a shrewd voice of reason. "You woke up thinking this. Nobody's talking s--- about your religion. This is just in your head. Let it go!" And she refused to let Carlton's threat of bad magic get her down, not when she has God's love protecting her. Perhaps though Brandi prayed to her Muppet God for Carlton's hex to hold actual weight. Because Joyce proceeded to abandon her sense of logic and worry to Kim the next day that Carlton had made Michael sick.

Elsewhere in Beverly Hills, the Richards Sisters had some innocent fun. Kyle played a talent agent on an episode of Days of Our Lives while a hair stylist put a most innocent spin on the early days of a child star "You're so lucky that your mom fed you and Kim into that. You guys got to have the most fun childhood." Kyle seemed unsure of the woman's rosy picture. "Yeah, well, it was our Mom's dream."

Cut to Kim at an autograph show, clearly enjoying herself (unlike poor Richard Chamberlain who looked desperate to get back to some slot machines). She got a free turtle pin from a whimpery fan, posed for a picture with a werepuppy who looked eerily like its owner, and got hit on by gum-chomping, stunningly coiffed former child star Jimmy McNichol. Please book him and sister Kristy too on WWHL Andy!

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