The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: A War of Words

The ladies of Beverly Hills wear tiny bits of fabric and wage mental warfare on each other in Palm Springs.
Ep. 06 | Aired Dec 9, 2013

HAVE YOUR CAKE Jacquie-I-mean-Joyce contmeplates every decision that's led her to this dinner table in hell-I-mean-Palm-Springs

Chris Haston/NBC

It’s time for a signature dinner where everyone is annoyed with each other and the name of the game (for the third episode in a row) is *triple word score* bullying! Joyce, getting frustrated at not only being called the wrong name over and over, but also having the validity of her actual name called into question by a drunken butthead (I said it), tells the table that she was bullied for her name growing up. Brandi, somehow even seeming intoxicated in her interview, spews “calling someone the wrong name isn’t bullying; it’s teasing, it’s being bitchy,” and manages to exactly describe bullying. Especially as she just admitted, half the time she’s saying the wrong name just to annoy Joyce. Picking on someone simply because you don’t like them may or may not be bullying, I don’t know, but it could certainly be construed as a few other b-words.

Kim tries half-heartedly to mediate the dinner from hell, saying she feels like she can be everyone’s friend. Oh sweet, newly innocent Kim: you can’t be anyone’s friend here, not even your own. Joyce attempts to ease the tension by “sharing” that she’s just gotten the lead in a new TV show and she wants all of her closest gal pals to watch. Man, that one really cannot catch a clue. Yolanda ignores the announcement and picks at Brandi’s hair like a monkey looking for lice. Then, deciding this moment is not nearly awkward enough, starts hashing out her reunion drama with Kyle from what feels like two years ago, across the table. Oh, it is a delight!

Finally, the moment we’ve known is coming, Brandi, 17 glasses of pinot grigio deep, calls Joyce "Jacqueline" yet again and explains it’s because “Joyce is [the name of?] a big, fat pig.” She couldn’t just go with “big” or “fat” or “pig,” could she? And just in case she was still on anyone’s Christmas card list, Brandi turns her unfocused eyes to Kyle and says, “You seem so sweet and then you become this crazy asshole.” I believe the saying goes, “pot…kettle…look who’s acting like a crazy asshole, now,” or something like that.

I’m so confused because I’m naturally predisposed to enjoy Lisa and Yolanda (and keep my eyes in a permanent roll at the hint of Kyle or Joyce), but their complete acceptance of Brandi’s drunkenness-turned-truly-meanness is gross. No one comes off well here. For women who are so concerned with using the right words, they certainly don’t give much credence to the importance of a human’s actual name, a word that follows them their whole life.

Some Qs for you: Do you find Joyce so intolerable that she warrants Brandi’s drunken taunts? Should we expect an apology out of Brandi for her behavior next week, pre-meltdown? Why, oh why, will Kyle not stop wearing that prism the size of an infant around her neck? And am I just pulling a Voldemort here by latching on to the only living, breathing thing in this cast, or is Kim much more enjoyable these days?

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