The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Dispatches from Planet Trash

Brandi and Joyce throw rose petals at each other in another dinner party gone awry.
Ep. 09 | Aired Dec 30, 2013

CARLTON'S JUNIORS Surprise, Carlton had no storyline other than being gross.


Lisa had enlisted Martin and Mohamed to join the fray, trusting that their friendly histories with Joyce and genial natures would take the snarl out of the occasion. Upon Joyce's arrival she greeted them warmly, declaring she wouldn't even be there if it weren't for them. Brandi did not appreciate such a statement, nor did she care for the woman air-kissing and complimenting everyone's dress but hers. The problem though with Brandi getting her back up so quickly is that she's failing to own how awful she's been to Joyce up to this moment. Listen, Brandi doesn't strike me as a malicious woman but a careless one. She can't start a conversation with Joyce by saying "We have a lot of mutual friends, they don't speak highly of you" and then throw her hands up in mock outrage when Joyce retaliated.

Poor Mohamed kept trying to lighten up the mood, rhapsodizing on Lisa's many virtues. (Cut to a slit-eyed Yolanda half-smiling through his praise that there is no woman as true and fine in all of LA as fair Lisa.) When Joyce reminded Brandi of her racist—again I'd say the more appropriate term is dumbass—comments in Palm Springs, Mohamed wrote it off as a joke. "Nobody understands why I like to ski when I'm Arab!" he said. Soon enough Brandi was screaming at Joyce that she was stupid. Joyce's husband, rightly in my mind, told Brandi to knock it off already. The F word started flying out of Brandi's fire hose while the SUR "waiters" looked on in glee.

All of Brandi's screaming and Joyce's accusations were really killing the mood for poor Ken. "At least enjoy the food?" he said weakly at one point. Especially you Joyce. We have to get you up to at least a size 00 before this endless season is over.

Happy New Year faithful readers! Off to Walgreens to buy some Visine.

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