The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: VanDerPomp and Circumstance

The Richards Sisters get emotional around graduation day and David Foster gets a star on the Walk of Fame. Also, facials.
Ep. 05 | Aired Dec 2, 2013

DO YOU HAVE THIS IN SIZE NEGATIVE? Slow episode for Brandi, who went bikini shopping and mopped up dog pee.

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Cut to Lisa and Ken huddled on their chaises. Lisa was feeling put out by Kyle's sensitivity around the subject of the affair rumors. On the one hand, yes it's terrible and of course it's all untrue but on the other... "I don't know if it's true, I really don't," she said. "Do I believe it? But I don't know what's gone down." This wishy-washiness mimics her milquetoast defense of Mauricio at Carlton's luncheon. I'd be pissed too if I was Kyle! Take it away Ken: "Of course it's not true," he said. "He's a buddy of mine and I wouldn't let people say that." Lisa pooh poohed his naiveté. "Nobody knows definitively," she said. "You can't say 'Oh, it's definitely not true.' You look like an idiot." Ken pointed to his sturdy heart. "You says what's in here. I say you always look out for your friends." I'd say he schooled Lisa hard but the truth is Lisa and Kyle haven't been friends for two seasons and it's ridiculous for them, or us, to pretend otherwise. So perhaps any expectation of loyalty should be dismissed. Speaking of loyalty, I believe in Mauricio's though he did himself no favors in his final exchange with Kyle. She gave him a loving peck and then apologized for smudging gloss on his face. "That's okay, I like lipstick," he said. "Especially yours." The second that came out of his mouth you know he wanted to punch himself in the face.

David Foster got a star on the Walk of Fame which meant we had to listen to him pontificating at the mic. I believe that he is a musical genius. I trust that he is Yolanda's king. But surely my Dutch wonder must die a little inside when he smirks out lines like "John, George, Ringo, what about there?" or "It's not secret I've been married once or twice..." Stevie Wonder and I just shook our heads in disbelief at his poor attempts at humor. But Yolanda looked beautiful in teal and her visiting brother and mother were adorable eating their salami sandwiches and cannonballing into the pool.

Finally, Brandi tried on some little pieces of water-resistant fabric for Lisa. In between giggles she let it drop that she'd been hanging out with Carlton a little bit and oh yeah, they made out in a hot tub. With this revelation a Real Housewives producer was fired for failing to capture the moment on camera. Lisa was rightly gobsmacked. "Well who does that?" she stammered. "I don't know, me?" said Brandi. "God, I'm going to lock my door at night that's for sure," said Lisa. You and me both sister.

Questions, I have a few? How adorable is Blanca, who seemed more excited to greet Yolanda's family than the mistress herself? Why does Max only visit Lisa and Ken once a year? Should we be worried? Dare we hope for a Slash cameo on a future episode? How badly did Carlton's nanny want in on that hot tub action?

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