We all know that Lisa and Ken absconded during the night, fleeing their one-bathroom hotel room lest Lisa be subjected to another morning of Ken's ablutions. Plus she was feeling bullied. The women, especially Yolanda, were disturbed by her inability to endure their accusations. Guess this means Yolanda will have to take out her leather-bound journal and tick off "Hollywood friend" next to Lisa's name. The good news was that for the time being nobody hated each other! So the women donned various shades of tropical fruit and went gallivanting around Old San Juan. There was merriment, there was fountain-dipping, laws were broken, which was reckless, Kim reminded us, because the cops here "speak another language." She used air quotes, which confused me. Does she think they are "pretending" to "speak" Spanish?
Back in Beverly Hills a very well-intentioned, forever awkward Brandi invited her parents to Yolanda's house for a quick gawk at massive opulence. Brandi reminded us again that her Daddy gets very intimidated around wealth (though increasingly I wonder if it's Brandi who has toxic shame feelings around money). Brandi went to check on her surprise, leaving her parents to talk propane tanks and genetic skeletal problems with a friendly if empty-eyed David Foster. Brandi summoned everybody to the driveway where a sweet 16 red ribbon was wrapped around a shiny new car. "What a daughter!"cried David. Hey, if wealth makes you feel uncomfortable, how about accepting a gift of a car from your daughter at some rich strangers' house?
In the episode's ickiest bit, Lisa summoned Carlton to her side. She detailed how the women were horrid to her in Puerto Rico and Carlton, happy to be of use, waited breathlessly for a chance to pin the blame on Kyle. God, Carlton can't stand insecure women and she'll have us know she never saw a magazine. (This season's great drama: Trashy magazine or no trashy magazine?) Lisa's little face fell and she started whimpering. "It's really hard, I don't want to cry. I just know I've been such a good friend to Brandi..." It was strange to see a woman who kept a stoic face during that seasons-past tea party when Taylor unleashed her full crazy against her turn to mush. I'm not sure those tears were legit.
NEXT: College girls.