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WAIT Y'ALL, WHERE'S MARISA? Hall pass.
Kyle suddenly appeared suggesting everyone just move on and hushing Lisa's still-hurt feelings. "Well we don't need this to be a nightmare of a night," said Kyle, obsessively smoothing her sheath of hair. This is about Adrienne and... At that Kim unexpectedly flared up, horribly offended. This is about Kim, Kim insisted. "Just do me a favor, don't forget. Acknowledge it. What's the secondary? And you forget about it!" What's happening? And where did Camille come from? Then Kim reminded us that in the first season Kyle almost destroyed her life by calling out her alcoholism in the limo. Then Brandi did the same when she accused Kim of using crystal meth in her bathroom. But isn't the point of recovery that one takes accountability for their own actions and stops blaming others for her mess? Now I'm nervous. Yolanda, take me back to the lemon grove.
Luckily Lisa had long since ditched all this yammering and gone to bond with Pandora. Just when things were starting to get kind of nice and sentimental a gummy-looking Adrienne showed up. A whimpery Kyle, Kim and Mauricio immediately surrounded her on the sofa while Camille cozied up on her lap. "The last few weeks have been difficult with Paul and I," said Adrienne. "So now we've split." Huh? Adrienne was sad about the kids and Kyle politely wondered if the woman had any hope for her marriage left. Marriage? Oh no, that's done. By this point Adrienne was disgusted that Lisa hadn't yet come over to say how courageous she was for putting on her black evening jumpsuit on such a trying day. Adrienne out!
That left a circle Housewives to mull the legal particulars of divorcing millionaires. Does one file for separation? Iron clad prenup? Ah, married for nine years not 10. Beverly Hills, where love goes to die. At one point, after Lisa called Adrienne the bush to Paul's tree, Kim bopped her sometimes nemesis on the head. "Security have her removed," joked Lisa. "Oh please," scoffed Kim, "security and I are old friends now." Hey, Kim made a funny!
But Lisa was bumming. Adrienne's appearance had tarnished what was supposed to be a romantic evening. Was it appropriate to celebrate her 30 years of marriage when another Housewife would soon be pretending to date a Sober House alum? Brandi gave her a totally weird and winning pep talk. "You have to do this for our boyfriend," she said. "Ken is going to die soon." I do love them.
During Ken and Lisa's vow renewal Brandi looked happier than anyone else, even Pandora. Ken's vows were dazzlingly dear, of course: "I've always loved you, but probably never deserved you. You are the most honest, loyal, and reliable person I know." Cut to Kyle, looking frozen. Take it away Lisa: "I am the woman I am today because I've grown up with you." Oh my God, Mauricio is your heart totally swelling? "So. Cute." Ken really went for a wedding cake french kiss. Rather than bask in a bit of afterglow—we made it to the end! let's honeymoon on a real show like The West Wing!—we rolled right into the Reunion.
NEXT: "Have you had to give up any more Birkin bags?" Andy asked, trying not to smirk.