The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season finale recap: Checkmate Bitch, then Reunion Part 1

Adrienne signs out, Lisa and Ken restore Brandi's belief in love, and then tempers flare at the Reunion.
Ep. 19 | Aired Mar 25, 2013

WAIT Y'ALL, WHERE'S MARISA? Hall pass.

Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Back at Villa Rosa, rich people were socializing uncomfortably beneath the twinkling production lights. David saw his ex-wife Linda and asked his Queen for direction. Should he say hello? Yolanda's face went unreadable. "Yeah, if you want to," she said with perfect disinterest. Lisa admired the former couple's rapport, to which a territorial Yolanda purred, "I made them be good together." At that David had given his contractually bound 15 minutes to production so he made a hasty goodbye. "David, I love you," Lisa cooed after his expensively clad back, "maybe I'll see you in Portofino." Things you'll never hear on Orange County.

Meanwhile Brandi and Yolanda were still reeling from Faye putting her big fat dick on the table accusing Brandi of breaking up Adrienne's family. Jennifer appeared, sorry that she hadn't loomed like a silent citadel at Brandi's side during the attack. So she went and summoned Marisa who just rolled with it. "Okay, yeah, so I get this text...," she started in again quickly. Marisa just wanted to get this ugliness over with so she could go make winky fish faces at the SUR bartenders. Marisa may have been careless at Adrienne's party but she isn't toxic. Brandi forgave her but she still had one nagging question. Who said that she flirts with all the men? Um, awkward. "That was Faye," said Yolanda. Andy, roll the tape!

On the other end of the party Taylor tearfully asked for Linda Thompson's blessing to be friends with Yolanda,who incidentally has never seemed particularly interested in being friends with Taylor. Taylor's friend Dwight was there and he was his predictable unctuous goober self.

Finally this party looked like it could mellow out and find its romantic stride. Uh oh, Faye still had some molten skin to shed, this time at Lisa's feet. First of all, thank you for the lovely party, your dress is so cute, by the way I think you're a low-down fink using that tacky bitch Brandi to get even with people who've wronged you in the past, she said. Lisa, always so sensitive, took umbrage at Faye's accusations. "But this is your home and I would never insult you" Faye insisted. It's just that Lisa is such a Bobby Fischer—cutaway to Kyle at Season 2 Reunion!—and she treats people like pawns and it's too bad she thinks friendship is a game is all. But those mini lamb chops? To die for! Lisa looked increasingly flabbergasted by the woman's gall, at which point Yolanda strutted up to them, ready to rumble. As opposed to Kyle, who was wringing her hands over on the sofa. "I really don't like getting involved when people are arguing," she whined. Oh honey, we just don't believe you.

Yolanda rubbed her knuckles with her hand while peering down menacingly at Faye Arsenic, which for all Brandi knows is the woman's last name. Faye explained that she is a super hero who stands for justice but she also fights all of her own battles. Yolanda, dress this bitch down: "You just came to the table fighting Adrienne's battle," she began. "And second of all, let me speak, you were fighting Kyle's battle the other day, which was hearsay." Faye started sputtering lamely about her precious goddaughter Porsha's bathroom being defiled. "All I know is it was inappropriate to do as a mother," she said. In her best retort of the night, a wordless Yolanda gave Faye a quick disapproving once-over. Sensing that she had lost the war, Faye pleaded boredom. SO GO TO BED! roared Brandi.

NEXT: Adrienne makes her entrance; Lisa and Ken rise above.

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