The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Team Squirrel

Brandi sobered up and the women relaxed over nachos, then a beloved chihuahua went missing.
Ep. 07 | Aired Dec 16, 2013

GENUINE EMOTION ALERT Brandi is kind of an asshole but it's a damn shame about her dog.


The next morning Brandi and Lisa were back on easy terms. Lisa agreed that she has assumed a mothering role over the woman. Brandi insisted she didn't have a drinking problem but rather a drinking solution. Then everyone got into a tram, even woozy Brandi and neurotic Kyle. Carlton seduced a few squirrels with a bag of peanuts and her sacred touch. Kim was so moved by communing with nature that she dropped to her knees to give a prayer by the trash bin. Lisa and Yolanda thought this was hilarious, which seemed rather petty and unnecessary to point out. If praying to used Pepsi cups and nut bags are helping the woman stick to grapefruit juice, well then hallelujah.

Lisa and Yolanda were bowing out of the weekend early, leaving Brandi somewhat unflanked. "I don't need back-up," she said several times. An odd stance considering the fact that she was the previous evening's chief aggressor. The remaining ladies went on to enjoy an easy evening of togetherness, bonding over nachos and some hinted-at revelations that perhaps Lisa was the canny source of tension.

Just when the night was going to wrap up with back rubs and a game of "I Never" Brandi saw a flurry of frantic texts on her phone. The cops had just left, whimpered her assistant Cameron. Somebody had broken in through the bathroom window and now the poor girl couldn't find Chica. No matter how badly Brandi has been behaving this season—all the gratuitous shit-stirring, the lame bathtub scene—one felt for the woman has she broke down not just over the missing dog but her poor boys' who would now return home to one less heart in her house. (In a way, Brandi's raw display of pain was just what the woman needed to stanch the draining good will audiences felt for her, particularly after last week's ignoramus moment.)

I found Kyle genuinely warm and present during the scene, telling Brandi to get signs up around the neighborhood right away. Joyce is just f---ed when it comes to Brandi and she didn't help matters by awkwardly bringing up the time she once lost a dog. Brandi screamed at her that life wasn't a competition and then Joyce chased the hurting woman around the house begging for a hug. Kim sat with Brandi while they waited for a car to whisk Brandi back home. She'll find him, or her, is it a him or a her? "Chica means girl in Spanish," said Brandi, to shut the woman up. As the car pulled away Brandi roared like a Mohican that she would find her dog. Poor Chica.

Talk to me Beverly Hillbillies: Am I reading too much into the moment when Brandi snapped at Lisa about strategizing? Were you impressed at the efficient way Kim diffused the tiff with Lisa? Did the Jeep commercial with Kyle and Mauricio make you feel weirdly embarrassed for everyone involved like it did me?

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