'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' recap: Hello Gorgeous....and Goodbye

Everybody in Beverly Hills is always gorgeous, even the horrible people. Last night Kyle's shorts were gorgeous, Taylor's sweater dress was gorgeous, Lisa's blouse was gorgeous, Nick's lips were gorgeous, Paul's new nose was gorgeous, Mauricio's Mom and sweet Farrah really were gorgeous, and has there ever been anyone more gorgeous than Camille greeting her entourage in her red dress on the stairs of the hotel suite to which she'd been banished by her out-the-gate husband?

Sometimes you can tell how much one of these women loathes the other by the number of times she calls her gorgeous. Lisa, for instance, thought Taylor looked triple gorgeous at Villa Blanca when the shiny toothbrush of a woman crashed her dinner with Kyle. Nyah, nyah, nyah, smirked Taylor, I'm holding Kyle's hand and you're not. We're lesbians!, laughed Kyle. Your marriage is falling apart and you're an empty shell of a person, said Lisa, suggesting that Taylor would be a lot happier if she could be honest about the hollow misery that is her life. To girlfriends! Mmmm, pink wine, yummy in my tummy.

Camille really could use all of her girlfriends around her right now, women who won't be jealous that she's extra special skinny what with all the stress in her life. Which means a lot of overtime for her house manager, makeup artist, hair stylist, and trainer! No, too mean. Kelsey had called in the middle of the night with news that he was done with the marriage. But he still needed a date to the Tony's so at least she'd get some use out of that red dress, right? Camille says she went to New York to give their marriage one last chance. I didn't follow this line of reasoning: Your husband dumps you, you agree to be his arm candy on the red carpet. To luck, to love!, the entourage toasted as the unhappy couple prepared to leave for the ceremony. "To 13 years of marriage," Camille growled under her breath as Kelsey gave her a dead-eyed smile. Was he happy to see his wife? No, that was the phone in his pocket on which he texting his lady 'C U at 10, bring 2 bras.'

Back in Los Angeles, Disney on Demand gave Kim an opportunity to relive some of her glory days. I've finally realized that Kim looks exactly like a hard-livin' smash-up of Mary Stuart Masterson and Lea Thompson circa Some Kind of Wonderful. Some pieces of the puzzle came together on that phone call. It was Ma who really wanted to be a star, but that light shone instead on six-month-old Kim. Now if she could only get another shot, the right script, her Erin Brockovich role. Well, bye!, said Disney on Demand. But Kim tucked her little ankles under her and kept right on talking.

NEXT: Kyle's daughter graduates, you done good Mama!