The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Welcome to the Circus

Lingerie. Puppy. Bullies. Trapeze. Hors d'oeuvres. Unsent tweets. 
Ep. 04 | Aired Nov 25, 2013

BACK OFF PORTIA'S PARENTS Next episode, Mauricio takes six lie detector tests!


Meanwhile Kim had planned an afternoon at Cirque school for the ladies and nobody -- she's looking at you, Yolanda -- was going to ruin this for her. This was an opportunity for the women to bond, dammit, and if they could just set aside their petty grievances and act civilized and pinky swear to love and jump over each other and... Um, yeah, see Yolanda does not care to be lectured to actually and she's wearing her power Dutch green and all she's had to eat in the last 11 days is cleanse so can we get this party started? Kim did not appreciate being interrupted one bit so she told Yolanda she was rude. Lisa was sitting on the sofa feigning ignorance that anybody might have emotional baggage to set aside in the first place and Carlton's eyes were darting around the room looking for rogue clowns and this was not shaping up to be a stress-free activity after all.

Brandi and Kyle were first up on the swing and the camera eventually favored Brandi's endless legs over Kyle's rumpy dumpy splits. Lisa made the easy joke about Brandi obviously having a swing in her bedroom, a jab that would've delighted Brandi last season but seemed to strike a nerve now. "Enough! We get it, I'm a whore!" she said. This Cirque stuff is not for the faint of heart. At one point Kyla guffawed that a ribbon was "chopping off my tweeter" and Yolanda went sliding off her exercise ball into a Dutch heap on the floor.

During a rest period, Kyle approached Brandi, who'd been pissed all day because apparently some paparazzi had chased her down in Calabasas, accusing her of being a bully in front of her kids. (My guess though is this is one of the more benign paparazzi encounters those boys have been forced to bear witness.) The two women stared down in complementary pink and black racing stripe workout clothes. Kyle told Brandi she never called her a bully. Brandi didn't believe her. Who's ready for a trust jump?

At dinner afterwards, the tension didn't let up. Brandi just thought it was really uncool that she went and glibly brought up the terrible cheating rumors over lunch in front of a camera crew, and Kyle called her a bully instead of saying thank you. Like Kyle or loathe her, you got to agree the woman was in the right for snapping at Brandi and Lisa to get over their obnoxious grievance that Kyle should've sent out a specific tweet declaring Brandi and Lisa innocent of giving her a hard time about the thing she herself wasn't even commenting on. Kyle has a lot going on right now, which can only partially excuse that jacket with the Christmas tinsel hanging from the shoulder pads.

Lisa was so over this dinner already when Joyce pulled her aside to get on her case. I can't bear relaying the inanity of this conversation, so suffice it to say that Joyce was on her period.

What do y'all say? Lie detector test at the Reunion? How unappetizing does a Brandi/Carlton make out session sound to you? However beautiful Joyce's hair may be, shouldn't it be a foot shorter? If you were judging this episode alone, would you all be Team Kyle?

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