'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' recap: Spa Date from Hell

The best reaction shot of the whole episode goes to the lovely spa employee who kept trying to bring the women some nice cool water or invite them to get their mud masks. (That and the way NeNe gagged when Phaedra brought up her stripper friend who can orally stimulate himself.) The woman's eyes would bug, her breath catch, as she tried to silently back away from the sloppy circle of mud-slingers. But how our women have grown. No wigs were snatched, no necks choked. They aired their differences with grace and tact: "First of all, I didn't call your baby an alien!"

Who would've thought there'd come an Atlanta show-down in which NeNe and Sheree played minimal roles? They've graduated from swinging punches to merely stirring the pot. Points to NeNe for at least admitting to Cynthia that she had shared news of the Friend Contract with Kim.  Cynthia, who I'm increasingly impressed by (her casting may have been Bravo's genius move of the season), tried to hold NeNe accountable for her mini-betrayal. NeNe dodged and weaved though, claiming that per the Contract she gets to mess up without suffering the consequences. That little minx.

Then at the spa, everyone was having a lovely visit, saving their bitchiness for their private interviews ("'I'm glad Phaedra came out, she could stand to get a few things done," said Kim). There was so much laughter and good cheer that someone had to light a match. Thank you Sheree, who wondered if the high spirits called for a Contract. How I love it when Cynthia gets that don't-mess edge in her voice. The woman doesn't yell, she doesn't whine. She just shuts you down.

Kim was going after her good too, but only because she was so weirded out—this from a woman who announced on camera that she jams herself every night—and she just can't help feeling protective of her dear friend NeNe. Bish, please.  In what might be my favorite ever blast of Kim, I hand you over to Cynthia:  "Okay Kim, I'm weirded out that you think you can sing, I'm weirded out that you wear a wig, and I'm also weirded out that you had a full on relationship with a married man." Check, check, and check. Cynthia told Kim to go smoke her cigarette and well, Kim was just not having that. "Bitch, I will smoke til the day I f$&#ing die." Um, zing? Inflating your risk of lung cancer is always the best revenge.

NEXT: Pull her wig, Phaedra!