While a precious guide in Ghandi glasses talks about the holes in the church’s floor where slaves could catch air as they escaped to freedom, Porsha notes that it’s so important to EDUCATE youth on the history of slavery. Then, of course, she inquires as to who exactly it was driving this underground train “because it wasn’t electric like what we have now.”
Once everyone picks their jaws up off the floor, Kandi says, “it’s a euphemism, baby,” and Porsha – who I would bet 1,000 master bedrooms doesn’t know what “euphemism” means – shares a few more thoughts that imply she thinks the Underground Railroad was a series of human-sized hamster tunnels with one man (she probably thinks that man is named Harriet Tubman) leading a mile-long line of slaves to a magical train station. Did I mention that Porsha’s grandfather is the late civil rights activist Hosea Williams, who lead multiple marches and protests for integration and spent his life educating people on racial equality? Well, he is.
The ladies finally take a break from The Shockingly Delayed Education of Porsha Stewart to have some Nene-sponsored cocktails. While Phaedra goes to put her breast pump to good use, Mynique unleashes what I am 80% positive is a carefully planned attack on herself. First, she “innocently” gets Kandi to talk about how she used to date her husband, Chuck. But things get away from her a bit when it seems that Kandi and Chuck dated much more seriously that he had previously implied. Like, Chuck paying her credit card bills and being a Louis Vuitton-level of tight with Mama Joyce (blessedly absent from this episode).
Phaedra arrives back at the table just in time to say that, yes, she and Chuck also dated but it was only when they were kids…then in college…then again when he played for the Falcons. Porsha, whose wagging finger has been just raring to go, chimes in that Mynique needs to start asking questions because her husband isn’t telling her everything she needs to know. Mynique, losing control, snaps back, “No, no honey, your sh—'s in trouble, not mine.” Porsha’s voice hits *Threat Level: Train Whistle* in about .02 seconds flat and everyone starts screaming. Mynique and Porsha are both yelling insults while addressing each other as “boo,” but really only Porsha is audible, because, duh.
Somehow Nene restores order and gets Porsha to understand that Mynique was feeling attacked and husbands are a sensitive subject, as she should well know. Porsha calms her voice to *Threat Level: Dogs Howling When an Ambulance Drives By* to give the most classic of Housewives apologies: “My apologies if I offended you just now.” If I had a dollar for every time one of these women apologized without saying “if,” I would have exactly $0 (precisely how much money that restaurant can plan to make from the other patrons who had to watch seven grown women scream at each other about how many of them had had sex with one former Ravens player).
Best Line: “That’s my husband and I’m not about to let you make my husband look crazy up in here!” Oh, Mynique, I know you haven’t been here long, but Chuck is about the only person walking out of that fight without looking crazy.