The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Timeliness is Next to Godliness

Kandi finally confronts Mama Joyce and Kenya confronts everyone else as the ladies head to Savannah
Ep. 07 | Aired Dec 15, 2013

THE SOUND OF CRAZY Cynthia wonders, "How do you solve a problem like Mama Joyce?"

Bravo

AYDEN WATCH: Three-year-old Ayden is hanging out in Phaedra’s office, helping her with some light filing and financial statements. They FaceTime Apollo and Ayden lets him know that he’s busy “working at mommy’s office right now,” but to please bring him his new “big bike.” Ayden is the best. Everybody should be like Ayden. Further proof: Mama Joyce arrives at Phaedra’s office to have a chat and I’m immediately worried about her being in the room with an innocent child whom she could easily suck the life force out of. But ever-competent, Ayden handles the situation. When Mama Joyce coos/growls at him, but he won’t talk back, Phaedra says if he wants a treat, he needs to talk to her. Ayden looks directly into Mama Joyce’s steely eyes and very deliberately whispers to his mom, “I don’t want a treat.” Oh, it is rich. From the mouths of babes.

Mama Joyce has come to Phaedra for some legal advice (about how to make sure her daughter keeps her rich, even if she gets married). She says Todd said he wouldn’t sign a prenup, when what he really said was that he wouldn’t make a decision right there at the dinner table when she threatened him with a Marvin Gaye song a few episodes ago. Phaedra says she wants to make sure Mama Joyce is “educated and knowledgeable about what she’s talking about,” which I assume means she has never actually met this woman. She says as long as Kandi has a will (she pronounces it “wheel), then there’s nothing to worry about.

Naturally, Mama Joyce then starts telling off Pheadra for introducing Kandi to Todd. “He’s little, he’s short, he got a big head; Kandi’s short, she got a big head,” she says to the shortest member of the cast with the biggest head. She starts waving her hands around and saying, “thank you very much” like she’s made an important point. Mama Joyce manages to stun Phaedra – yes, Phaedra – into silence for a while, but she eventually picks her jaw up long enough to say that Kandi thinks Todd is the one and so does she. And then the devil possesses Mama Joyce as she sneers, “That’s why I could choke you right now.” Phaedra’s jaw reintroduces itself to the floor.

If I have to watch Kenya and her boy pal, Brandon, twerk their way around one more house, I think I might lose it. While Kenya is packing, she first tries to act like she didn’t know Savannah was a city that existed, then turns onto the Sextgate subject that she’s, apparently, so tired of talking about. She says she doesn’t trust Phaedra as far as she can throw her, “and because she weighs about 200 pounds or more, we all know that’s about an inch,” which is the second comment she's made in two weeks about how much Phaedra – a very tiny woman who recently had a baby – weighs, and I am having absolutely none of it. In case anyone wasn’t thoroughly charmed yet, she pulls out a firearm and threatens bodily harm to her Savannah travel-mates with the following pun/riddle/rambling: “If a donkey is feeling froggy and they want to leap, they can leap all the way to the emergency room. ‘Cause they just got shot in the ass.” I’m sorry, what? And also, don’t do that.

NEXT: Kandi confronts Mama Joyce and Kenya confronts everyone else

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