The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Going Study

Phaedra competes for Most Likely To Succeed at mortician school, while Mama Joyce competes for Most Likely to Murder Someone in every situation ever
Ep. 05 | Aired Dec 1, 2013

HOMICIDAL TENDENCIES Kandi contemplates whether Mama Joyce might be the reason her water tastes so poison-y.

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Kenya has found a house that’s less eviction-y to park her aerial twirling booty and called upon Miss Lawrence to help her move large objects into her new home. I might have gone in a different direction, but at least he’s fun. He lifts various things and says, “Too heavy. Too heavy. This will work,” like a cross-dressing Goldilocks. The other housewives probably aren’t willing to drive to wherever Kandi has found a landlord that will rent to her, so she rings up Nene for a producer-mandated chat. Nene tells her she has a good handyman – not better than Miss Lawrence, surely! – and Kenya tries to make sexy innuendos saying, “Can he unclog some pipes?” Is that really the message you’re trying to send about your pipes, girl?

Kenya whines about how Kandi coming to the aerial exercise class last week and not being into it; but when you walk into a room and are immediately faced with Kenya’s pipes, I can understand that it might be hard to get on board. She’s tired of having to defend herself to Kandi who “claims to be neutral.” I love when Kenya stumbles into a perfect metaphor (which happens startlingly often) because, yes, Kandi is absolutely the Switzerland of RHOA. And Kenya is that five-story club in Prague that only tourists go to and one TripAdvisor reviewer describes as “an organized crime ring.”

Cynthia actually gets to talk to Nene the Famous Actress in person and has decided to monopolize as much of her non-famous time as possible by taking her to a grocery store. Nene wanders around in a jumpsuit and boho headband, eyes wide, like she’s never seen fluorescent lighting before. She asks, “Do they still allow you to taste stuff in the store?” as though she hasn’t been in a grocery since the LBJ administration, and back then it was just a hippie-love free-for-all of taste tests.

Cynthia asks Nene how she’s dealing with her son Brent being a teenager because Noelle is “blowing her mind.” What an odd way to refer to your daughter having a boyfriend. Nene Leakes, Unlikely Voice of Reason, tells her if Brent told her he wanted to see a girl, she’d tell him, “You gonna see your ass in the room and you gonna see these damn books.” As parentally gifted as she is linguistically, that Nene. But ultimately she says that raising kids is hard and you just have to do what’s right for your family.

I would normally judge Nene for saying, “Four for $5, those are some good pizzas,” but I can tell she’s looking at Totino’s Party Pizzas and she’s right – those are some good pizzas. She undoes all that good will, however, by getting excited about Hot Pockets and immediately going for the chicken and broccoli. I seriously question Nene’s tastes if she was anywhere in the vicinity of a Meatballs & Mozzarella or Pepperoni and went for Chicken and Broccoli Hot Pockets. In one final challenge for the RHOA subtitler, she stomps out of the junk food aisle with a huffed, “I’m chunky damn ‘nuff as it is.”

NEXT: Kandi laughs through the pain

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