The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Sweep, Sweep, Twerk

Kenya moves out and Porsha moves on
Ep. 03 | Aired Nov 17, 2013

WHISTLE WHILE YOU TWERK On a piano, if you're Kenya Moore.

Bravo TV

Welcome back, ATLiens -- it’s time to get wild! Wait, what’s that? This episode will mostly be about household chores and wedding dresses? Alright, we can work with that, too.

Tonight’s episode opens up on Kandi exploring what is apparently her new office space, because if you put together all of the square footage in Atlanta that Kandi doesn’t own, you’d basically just have The Varsity and the Georgia Aquarium (but she’s edging in on Dolphin Encounters pool). The camera pans over her wall of accolades to her manager Don Juan (never gets old), who’s showing her the most recent developments. It’s notable that Kandi has an actual manager as opposed to a “Friend/Nanny/Assistant."

Don Juan is worried he might not be around for long though, secretly because Kandi makes him sit in a bright pink patent leather chair while she sits in a dignified matte gold one, but openly because he’s not sure where he’ll fit in once Kandi is married to Todd. But whereas Mama Joyce seems to be worried Kandi’s giving tree might stop growing houses once Todd is legally in the picture, Don Juan is reasonably concerned about his actual job, which is dependent on Kandi continuing to work her ass off.

The Best Businesswoman to ever Business says not to worry, she’s not going to turn dumb or stop working just because she gets married: “I mean, I love love and all, but I love business and money too.” Perhaps everyone should be a little more worried about Todd in this situation?

It’s time for Mr. Gregg’s Weekly Domesticity Hour! This week’s lesson: sweeping. Listen, I went to a public school in the South where girls would openly tell anyone who would listen that it was their time of the month so they didn’t have to do a few walking laps in P.E., but never in my life have I heard anyone rattle off as many excuses in a row as Nene did when Mr. Gregg asked her to help him sweep. In order of utterance:
- “I gotta go lay down.”
- “I’m allergic to that stuff.” Hard to know exactly what she’s referencing here, unless I’ve been sweeping without the right “stuff” my whole life.
- When given a reasonably sized push broom: “Well, if I had a normal-size broom. This is for a damn school!”
- When given a smaller broom: “No, I got used to the big one.”

This is all followed by a great deal of sniffling and allergy-induced face scrunching while on the phone with her manager, Stephen (really losing the name game to Don Juan there, Steph-o), who lets her know that Glee is definitely being pushed back and he’s not sure when she’ll next be on the show. Nene takes the news professionally on the phone and then very calmly says, “OK, my life is over,” in her confessional.

Mr. Gregg is outside shuffling around in what I would bet a month’s salary are slide-on shoes, sweeping little spaces of the patio like he’s never touched a broom in his life – guys, this is sweet and all, but we know you don’t clean your own house – ready to try and make his wife happy. He tells her that now it’s just like the good ol’ days, with Nene as a housewife and them both spending time together at home. But Nene is a brassy blonde actress now; she wants to be back in L.A. She bustles back inside, probably to a tanning bed or to pretend like she’s in a peaceful two-hour traffic standstill, as Gregg cries out to her, “Oh baby, don’t leave me!” I know there was that whole radio kerfuffle and he’s had some moments, but I can’t help but love that man now.

NEXT: Peter is the nurse of your nightmares


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