The Real Housewives of Atlanta season finale recap: Finally, Finale

Kandi's play finally opens to a full house; Kenya deals in less happy fare as she buries Velvet with Cynthia by her side.
Ep. 22 | Aired Apr 13, 2014

Official RHOA Poll: Is Ayden the cutest child to ever exist or just the cutest child to ever be on television? If I could just be promised that next season will include one Learnin’ Words with Ayden segment, I would feel so much more confident that Atlanta isn’t going the way of every other Housewives series.

But for now, I’ll take what I can get, which is Ayden (and Apollo, ugh) presenting Phaedra with a congratulatory cake for finishing mortuary school. He wrote "CONGRATS MOM" in icing himself because not only is he a 3-year-old who can read and write, but he also likes to dabble in the decorative culinary arts. (When I was three, I stuck a Tic Tac up my nose in an act of defiance so it’s like, same thing.) Phaedra says, "People who doubted me…look at me now -- I have embalmed almost 100 bodies," because Phaedra is good at a lot of things, but bragging ain't one of them. Apollo throws out some garbage about her hopefully being able to chill out and return to her old self now. In her confessional, Phaedra responds that men just don’t understand the stress of being a full-time employed person and a mother.

OK, let me stop you right there. First, Apollo doesn’t even understand the stress of being an employed person. I feel like he just goes to the public library and uses free internet all day to do unsavory things. Second, perhaps this is the root of the problem here. Phaedra is under the impression that all men are the worst, when really it’s just most of the men on this show. There are men outside of Apollo Nida and Peter Thomas, and many of them value women as smart, capable human beings, rather than just a bag of boobs. Take your precious children and go forth and find them! Phaedra thanks Ayden for her cake and he says “Just doing my job,” because he is Michelle from Full House if Michelle from Full House hadn’t been evil and a figment of Danny’s imagination.

I realize that I just talked about a toddler for quite a long time, but that’s because I’m pretty uninterested in Porsha finalizing her divorce. I am at least surprised that she decided not to go to court, therefore giving up any spousal support. I guess it’s a respectable move, but her mother really does not seem concerned enough, given her daughter’s proven inability to support herself, make adult decisions, have a third grade understanding of current events, and not touch the stove when she tells her it's hot. She drops her ring from Kordell into a glass of champagne, and in an unaired scene, immediately dives in after it and sells that sucker on eBay.

NEXT: Basic Instinct...ew.

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