Nene goes to New York to meet with the team designing her HSN line—oh, did you think she would do that? How sweet. Listen, I can tell you exactly how to dress like Nene, and you won’t have to order the clothing over the phone and pay for it in $6 increments for the next 100 months: Go to H&M, get pleather pants; find the clearance rack at your local
TJ Maxx Ross, grab two of the same slinky, jewel tone shirt, sew them together to make one giant shirt; apply daddy long legs spiders to your eyeballs until desired plate-glass-eyelash look has been achieved. Alternating between occasionally amusing and insufferable would also be helpful in achieving the full look.
Kenya has asked Cynthia and Kandi to lunch to tell them about Velvet and arrives in full mourning attire: black suit, minimal makeup. After a Ross from Friends “Hiii,” she breaks the news and Cynthia gasps and throws her hands in the air like Kenya just told her she some salacious bit of gossip. She immediately apologizes for her super weird response but it doesn’t make it any less super weird. They don’t dwell on it though; they just console her and tell her they’ll be at the dog memorial. (Heads up: next week’s episode will be almost entirely about a dog memorial.)
Phaedra and Apollo get the in-between-commercial segment where it’s important to note two things: 1. Apollo gets to second base with some pottery clay; 2. These people are just not on this show anymore.
A Mothers Love is one week from show time and, though she’s at rehearsal today, Porsha has missed even more rehearsals since her talk with Kandi. I seem to remember they were only going to have three weeks to rehearse and she missed the first week, so she must have been to about two rehearsals. The stage manager, whose name looks like Lark with a lower case “l,” but I think is actually “Iark” with a capital “I,” calls her over to tell her what’s up. She questions if Porsha is totally dedicated to this play, to which Porsha responds, “Oh, really? I think I’m fully dedicated.” She’s not even being defiant, she’s just dumb. She assures her that she’s all in, and I would have loved Iark to follow up with a one-question quiz: What is your character’s name?
Mama Joyce is at rehearsal to see the play and the venue for the first time. Kandi hopes her mom won’t be offended by the play because it’s so clearly a passive aggressive Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood situation. Mama Joyce scowls in the general direction of her daughter’s passion project until Don Juan (real name!) takes her to the lobby for a tour. There they find Todd talking to his sweet mom, who is supportive of him in the MJ situation, she’s "just concerned, you know…about the threats.” You know.
Mama Joyce greets Todd in her standard format of whispering and removing all linking verbs from her sentences ("If she happy, I happy"). Todd asks Mama Joyce to talk for a minute to help him understand where they are right now. He says if it’s just her not liking him, he can live with that, but he wants to hear it from her. She says she never stopped liking him, she just stopped respecting him, because Mama Joyce does not understand words—their function, their meaning, their general pronunciation. She brings up him quitting his job soon after meeting Kandi and he very rationally explains that he had to do that because his job was on the show that Kandi was a star of. He's not interested in Kandi for her money, he’s just interested in her. And for her, he wants them all to be able to be a family. When he says, “I would love for you to love me one day,” it breaks my heart a little and makes me want to marry Todd. My mom is delightful.
Mama Joyce acknowledges that she’s too protective and concedes to try, which feels like a lot further than they’ve ever gotten before (ahem, “Ain’t no mountain high enough to keep me off yo’ ass, baby!”). Bravo puts precious Ayden in the promo to ensure my viewership next week, but if I’ve got Kenya losing her mind at a dog memorial and Mama Joyce drama to look forward to, consider my commitment to being excited for the next episode to be Level: Porsha, at best. What did you think of Kenya's unfortunate circumstances this week? Mama Joyce's calmer persona? Most importantly, have you seen the A Mother's Love trailer??