RHOA Editors Went to Film School Too, Imagery Edition: The camera pans a large empty space with a bald man at the bar, hunched over a pile of blank papers; Cynthia is meeting Peter in a deserted Bar One and has to lift her own stool off of the bar to sit down while he flops his hand against a laptop and stares at her. She very naturally says to her husband, “What’s all this I’m hearing on the blogs about foreclosure and Bar One.”
WHAT ARE THESE BLOGS THEY’RE ALWAYS READING? Are they just calling all websites blogs? Is it a Tumblr dash? Why are these women always finding out important information about their husbands on social media??? Some info The Blogs weren’t able to supply: apparently, the space Bar One is in might go into foreclosure because the landlord hasn’t been paying his mortgage payments. Peter says they should be fine because he’s renting-to-own and has been making his payments, but Cynthia is mostly upset that he’s known for a month and hasn’t brought her in the loop. It’s as though she has a very specific kind of amnesia that makes her wake up every morning thinking her husband has a different personality than when they went to bed the night before.
Tonight, On a Very Special Episode of RHOA: Aunt Lori arrives at Kenya’s house, beelines up to her dark room, and you know something is really up because she’s wearing a gray crew neck t-shirt – not a sparkle, low neck or statement sleeve in sight. Also, because she is weeping in the way that babies do when you start to wonder if they’re going to stop breathing. The dog she’s had for seven years,Velvet, has been killed by another dog in the neighborhood. That’s awful. It’s hard to feel bad for Kenya, as she is the worst, and I certainly wouldn’t know how to deal with her very external grieving process, but it’s horrible to lose a pet. Especially when it seems like she hardly has anyone else. The rather saintly Aunt Lori tells her they should have an outdoor memorial service for Velvet because she was always happiest when she was running outside. Kenya finally smiles and dazedly says, “She would chase the squirrels,” and sympathy and all, it’s impossible not to think of Office Space.
On the other side of maternal instincts, we have Mama Joyce going over to Kandi’s for some counseling. Dr. Sutherland, family counselor, wearer of promotional windbreakers, talks to Kandi alone first, where there is a flashback to when they first tried counseling in season 2. Judging by Mama Joyce’s hair alone, it looks like it could have taken place in 1978 and maybe on another planet. It’s so amazing to see how much more glamourized they’ve become with fame. She straight up has 1982 Little Orphan Annie hair -- I could have watched it for hours. Dr. Sutherland asks Kandi what she thinks it means that she’s not able to stand up to her mom…TBD.
Mama Joyce sits down in her finest Tommy Bahama tunic for her solo time and she seems like she’s on a sedative of some sort, calmly telling the counselor that somewhere along the way they “just lost communication,” meaning, of course, that she tried to pay someone to take pictures of her daughter's fiance with other women. She says that it’s not just a problem that he’s an opportunist, but also, since they started dating, Kandi has gained “about 30 pounds.” On a show that barely even stops to acknowledge marriages falling apart before our very eyes, there is a pregnant pause. A man who is trained enough in his field to have embroidered button ups for his counseling center, is stumped. Go home Mama Joyce, you’re drunk (or finally not drunk).
NEXT: Break a leg, and make it Porsha's to put everyone out of their misery...