The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Friends Don't Call Friends B*tches

There's a lot of cursing -- a lot of cursing -- as Nene and Cynthia try to sort out their couples friendship, and Porsha tries to sort out what it means to actually work once you finally get a job.
Ep. 20 | Aired Mar 30, 2014

WHAT'S IN A NAME? I'm not saying that Nene is the worst human being to ever wear a bedazzled knit skull cap, I'm just saying she acts like the worst human being to ever wear a bedazzled knit skull cap.


Finally, it’s time for Cynthia, Peter, Nene and Gregg to sort out how to get past this bitch-cident. Cynthia is dressed like Hillary Clinton on the ’92 campaign trail, so you know she means business; Nene is dressed like an aging dance teacher who just took the tags off her outfit purchased at a delia*s clearance sale, so you know she will act like a dramatic child. Ketel One and sodas all around, and it’s off to the races!

The four of them truly must want to remain friends, because they have a more calm and rational conversation than usually seen in the weirdly lit, empty restaurants of RHOA confrontations. But they somehow all miss that Nene never once apologizes for what she said to Peter, and in fact, just calls him a bitch, like, 60 more times. Instead of recounting the conversation, I’ll just list here the Top Five Ways Nene Doesn’t Apologize for Her Actions ranging from “Oh, maybe I just didn’t understand her point” to “That woman wouldn’t apologize if she ran over a newborn puppy in front of its owner”:

- “I didn’t purposely try to disrespect Peter. I just called a spade a spade…sometimes I can’t take the fall for everything that NayNay does.”
- “She may not like what I called him, but listen, if that’s how I’m feeling, that’s how I’m feeling.”
- "I apologized because I didn’t even realize that I called you a bitch. I really was trying to say that you were acting like a bitch. I can’t apologize for that."
- “Really, you’re bald-headed. Are you really a bitch with grey hair on your face? I know that you’re not a bitch.”
- “There’s nothing I can say about my actions that night other than, you know.”

Truly heartwarming stuff. Gregg extends his hand “in deepest sympathy” (still not an apology), and all four of them clasp hands in a basket-toss cheerleading hold. None of it makes sense, but everyone seems happy enough.

Next week we’re expected to feel sympathy for Kenya about something that is yet to be determined – are you as nervous as I am?

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