The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Friends Don't Call Friends B*tches

There's a lot of cursing -- a lot of cursing -- as Nene and Cynthia try to sort out their couples friendship, and Porsha tries to sort out what it means to actually work once you finally get a job.
Ep. 20 | Aired Mar 30, 2014

WHAT'S IN A NAME? I'm not saying that Nene is the worst human being to ever wear a bedazzled knit skull cap, I'm just saying she acts like the worst human being to ever wear a bedazzled knit skull cap.

Bravo

Webster’s Dictionary defines “bitch” as -- wait, wait, wait, I can do better than this. When a woman uses “bitch” as a derogatory term against -- no, no, that’s not right. OK, with strict gender binaries come -- ACK, I CAN DO THIS, I SWEAR!

For what was ultimately the least eventful episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta in about a month (re: 0% fisticuffs, 100% throwing storylines against the wall to see what sticks), it still evokes so many thoughts and questions. What do I think about women calling men bitches as the ultimate insult? What do I think about men feeling really sorry for themselves about it? Why does the cast think this the most offensive thing that has ever happened on this completely offensive show? And how many times can one woman’s hair (or two: Kandi and Cynthia) possibly change in a 30-second scene?

OK, let me just start at the beginning. I think it's important that I briefly explain how I experienced this episode of RHOA: I’ve said before that my parents live in Georgia, and I’m currently in town working from home for a few weeks. My parents also host a college Bible study in their home every Sunday night. They only have one TV, so for this week and maybe the next few (I honestly don’t know when this show is ending – try and find it clearly stated anywhere on the internet, I dare you), I am forcing them all to gather in the formal living room in the front of the house while I hog the large, cozy den to do my “work" on Sunday nights.

All I’m trying to tell you is that while my dad shaped young spiritual lives in the front of their house, I watched this episode of RHOA where the word “bitch” was uttered no less than 17,000 times…while my precious mother baked a homemade dessert in the kitchen and listened on. Real quote: “Are they calling each other that word or just saying it over and over.” Real answer: “Both, and I’m so, so sorry.

As I believe this entire Mexico trip may have just been aired in real time, we open up right where we left off last week: Nene screaming at Peter, Peter screaming at Gregg and Cynthia doing absolutely nothing. It’s like a Tom and Jerry cartoon if Tom and Jerry took place in a tiny Mexican kitchenette and featured a very tall, silent woman wearing oversize hipster glasses. Everyone has turned their phones to silent and settled in with popcorn to watch the fight, except Kenya, who is inexplicably sweating her ass off. When suddenly, **record screech** “You need to stop trying to roll with the damn women, OK? You need to stop trying to be a damn bitch.”

People. Are. Horrified. Not that Nene has implied that gossiping and petty fighting is lady business and therefore bitch-like; not that she is repeatedly equating generally being a woman as being a bitch; no, it’s that she has called Peter the b-word. Peter's actual response is, “That is so inappropriate.” Daub that final RHOA BINGO square you’ve been waiting on, because this is absolutely the first time that phrase has ever been said in this franchise. And it was inappropriate! Not because Nene called a man a bitch, but because she called anyone a bitch. As Cynthia later says in a moment of childlike clarity: “Bottom line is, friends don’t go around calling friends bitches.”

NEXT: Porsha only wants brown M&Ms and white orchids in her trailer, dahhhhhling...

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