The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Turn Up Time

Kenya confronts Apollo about lying to Phaedra about their relationship; and she brings a few ladies along for some unorthodox fertility treatments. It's an eventful episode for Kenya.
Ep. 18 | Aired Mar 16, 2014

IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO But when everyone has two left feet and the dance is more of a tequila-fueled Macarena than a tango, does it really even matter?

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Quick Life Lesson: if someone is aggressively trying to get you to take shots, they’re up to something. It’s not necessarily shady, but just be on high alert. Or at least keep some friends around you, like Todd and Peter who can yell “This sh—is a setup!” when Kenya coos “Apollo, come help me pick out the tequila.” Kenya screams back a lot of WHO?! WHAT?! ME?! at Todd and Peter, but everyone knows she’s up to something. Todd offers to serve as chaperone on their little trip to the bar, but Kenya is able to shake him and get Apollo to a couch for their predetermined one-on-one time.

Kenya wants to talk to Apollo because she felt like after she and Phaedra had their falling out, the two of them were still cool, but then he started spreading lies about them meeting up in L.A., aka, Sextgate 2014. In her confessional she says she thinks he was creating drama about her in order to cover up “what he’s really been doing.” In light of learning what Apollo was actually up to over the last year, that dude would have needed to light himself on fire, release a sex tape with a Georgia senator and finish third on Dancing With The Stars to cover up all the nonsense he's been up to.

Apollo brings out the trusty “I could have slept with you if I wanted to,” which Kenya refutes with “But I never offered you sex, Apollo.” I’ll give Kenya this: She’s a lot better at making a clear point when she wants to than anyone else on this show. Apollo proved that he couldn’t defend his point even if he had a voice recording of Kenya saying, Excuse me Apollo, husband of Phaedra, I, Kenya Moore, inventor of African boyfriends, would like to do the sex with you, right here, right now. No, I can’t even sum up what Apollo’s defense was. I’m just going to print it in full here, with some thoughts in brackets:

“At the end of the day [WHAT DAY? WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY THIS??], I can say how I feel. If those were my intentions, and there’s a lot of people who would…risk everything just because you’re a nice looking woman, they would take the opportunity [so, people like Apollo]. I was saying, if that was the case [let's be clear, that is the case], then I would have jumped in, because you are an attractive woman, and guess what -- any man could fall victim to that [he’s right, sleeping with her would have been her fault on account of her attractiveness making her absolutely irresistible to any human man]. But at the end of the day [SERIOUSLY. Today? Tomorrow? How does time work for you, Apollo?], I was just stating the fact: and the fact was, me as a man and who I am as a man, my physicality and your physicality, if that’s what I wanted to do, I felt like I could have done that. [He means because he is a man with man parts and she is a lady with lady parts, as a penis-toting man, he feels like he could have slept with Kenya, even though he’s basically admitted that she never said anything to indicate that.]

Phaedra, a woman who willingly married this man, shows up about the time Kenya has gone back from “you’re an idiot” mode to, “eh, I’ll flirt with you because it’s a thing I do” mode. Kandi announces it's Turn Up Time, but Phaedra just casually walks over and inserts herself in the conversation. We’ll have to wait until next week to see what happens, but my money is on them handling it like rational adults with healthy views on monogamy and friendship.

Or maybe Phaedra will rip Kenya’s weave out and shove a cigar down Apollo’s throat. At the end of the day, you can really never tell.


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