The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Are You My Beard?

Kenya invites everyone on a vacation to Mexico, and nothing spells P-A-R-T-Y like airing out other people's divorces in group settings.
Ep. 17 | Aired Mar 9, 2014

DEEP THOUGHTS BY PETER THOMAS "Maybe if I, uh, just let this beard grow past my ears they'll, uh, get confused and give me a peach next season?"


Speaking of no-good husbands, Cynthia swings by Porsha’s room to apologize for Peter attacking her in the limo, even though she’s shown no indication the entire season that she’s aware of how inappropriate he is, let alone entertained the idea of getting him to stop embarrassing her in front of her co-workers. Oh, and by apologize, I actually mean that Cynthia comes over and lets Porsha think for a solid 20 seconds that Kordell is coming to Mexico so she “won’t be lonely,” before she reveals that she’s “joking.” CYNTHIA, WHAT THE HELL???

Everyone gathers for dinner and Kenya, that overactive mom at your first 6th grade slumber party, has scrambled the seating arrangements at dinner so no one can sit by their significant other. Including herself, because it’s hard to sit by an African prince who there’s a 98% chance he comes from the land of Narnia Boyfriends, population: George Glass and Astronaut Mike Dexter. It really just means that Nene and Gregg pretend to hit on Todd and Kandi, to precious results, and Peter and Kenya are seated together to act out my worst nightmares.

Phaedra arrives with a temporarily bashful Apollo in tow and keeps him as far away from Kenya as possible. Luckily, their dinner table is the size of a standard two bedroom apartment, so no one can really hear each other anyway. But that doesn’t keep Peter and Kenya from chiming in when Porsha’s table neighbor Gregg starts asking her about the status of her relationship with Kordell. Things get really weird. Peter the Helpful relays that in his conversation with Kordell, he said he couldn’t tolerate everything extra Porsha brought to the relationship, and she responds with this: “His celebrity was tainted…I told him that I had a plan for us and that my plan was to be the ideal couple and that whatever was in his past that was nasty, that had hurt him, all those rumors…that I would help him erase that. So, I did that for him.”

Yes, those are the most confusing sentences to ever be uttered. And in that way, they could be taken to mean 1,000 different things. Peter and Kenya take them to mean that Porsha is implying she was Kordell’s beard. When they say that, however, she shuts it down with a definite NO, that is not what she meant. But the sharks have smelled blood; Kenya and Peter have what they think Porsha meant in their heads now, and they will swim in circles until someone loses an arm. “Just stop faking it! The truth will set you free.” That is certainly a novel idea, Kenya.

All praise to the ever-sassy editors for the shots of everyone rolling their eyes in silence while she says, “This is gonna be an exciting trip!” Now, let's just hope they're not betraying us with those juicy previews for next week.

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