The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: No New Friends

While Kenya and Marlo become BFFs, Nene fight to maintain her HBIC status. Cynthia hosts a surprise party for Peter and Field Day for adults.
Ep. 16 | Aired Feb 23, 2014

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, BOUGHT THE T-SHIRT Nene might be getting a little too big for britches, and a little too honest for her t-shirt.

Bravo

After they’ve somewhat settled the score, Kenya goes back to being buddy-buddy with Marlo (you know, how you’re always talking about buddy’s areolas?) while Nene seethes in the corner. Cynthia gives a speech for Peter that ends with, “We’ll do that later on in the bedroom,” and they have to evacuate the whole restaurant because everyone is so grossed out.

Porsha calls Nene over for a quick acting lesson that reminds me a lot of Joey teaching soap opera acting on Friends. Mostly they just talk about Kenya and Marlo’s new friendship and Nene says, “One of my girlfriends did tell me that Marlo was an opportunist.” I assume this was after she made her a bridesmaid in her wedding.

In Gotta Keep a Storyline Land, Kenya figures the best way to get the other women to stop blaming her for the Pillow Talk fiasco is to gather them all together in another country. They couldn’t even handle being together in a room at the Westin, Kenya! Regardless, she Googles “fun places to go in Mexico,” and I guess we know what we’re doing until the Reunion (parts I-VII).

Generally those unnecessary in-between-commercial segments are a nuisance to my finely tuned TiVo fast-forwarding skills, but this one contained the First Most Important Non-Housewife Action of the episode: Ayden says grace! And it’s the cutest rendition of grace you’ve ever seen! “No, we don’t hold hands. We don’t! Because at school we don’t say the graces with holding hands.” I get it Ayden – I would make up any excuse not to hold Apollo’s eight-grand-at-the-strip-club hands either. I rewound it seven times. (Update: I watched it two more times after I wrote that.)

Finally, because Cynthia has been focusing more on her health after her fibroid surgery, she’s decided to host the fitness-focused “Bailey Bowl,” which is supposed to be like Field Day for adults. And she’s not kidding; she’s got these grown folks three-legged racing and wearing matching t-shirts. It may have been a touch triggering for those of us who were more, ahem, Participant-ribbon-inclined as children, but you know who wasn’t one of those children? Kandi. All the women got to arrange their own teams; Team Kandi included a WWE wrestler and an Olympic gold medalist. But as it turned out, those skills didn’t parlay so well into the egg-in-spoon race. Who knew?

Marlo makes an entrance and the RHOA editors make their second Emmy submission of the season by waiting just the perfect amount of time before displaying her title card across the screen: “Marlo, Team Twirl.” You see, Team Twirl is Kenya’s team; Team Rich is Nene’s team; and, it seems, the lines have been drawn in the sand. During the outside games, Marlo tries to pal around with Nene and she is having none of it. Marlo goes over to Team Rich to inquire why she wasn’t asked to be on the team that includes all of Nene’s other bridesmaids but her, but before she can get an answer Kenya drags her away. Things get a little hectic here but it seems like Kenya is taking Marlo over to Nene so they can talk things out. But Nene is less in a talking mood and more in a screaming “get the f--k off me, b--ch” and throwing water bottles mood.

Given, my experience is limited to the Mountainview Elementary School track, but what follows is a little different than the Field Days I remember. Marlo responds to Nene with a tirade the likes of which I have only ever heard from Mama Joyce on Carmon’s voicemail. Most of the language is a little too salty to quote here, but no summarizing of mine could possibly do justice to Marlo’s opening line: “Bitches get they styles from me!” She also adds that Nene is insecure, and that she should tell all of Atlanta that she’s not talking to Marlo just because she’s become friends with “the next bitch” (the next bitch = Kenya). She also tells Nene her hair looks like Donald Trump’s; I would have gone more Ken Doll, but, on a factual level, she’s not wrong.

The most surprising part of all this is that Nene keeps walking away while Marlo follows her, screaming. She says she knows when someone is just trying to get a response out of her and she’s not the kind of person who can be taken advantage of. What do you think? Was there more to this fight than just Nene being upset that Marlo is friends with Kenya now? Is the Marlo/Kenya friendship more than just for show? Can these women possibly all survive a trip to Mexico together if they can’t even get through a hula hoop race? And, finally…do bitches really get they style from Marlo?

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