The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Common-Law Shade

Kenya makes moves toward becoming both a mother and the worst person on the planet, and it’s all just a waiting game until next week
Ep. 12 | Aired Jan 19, 2014

GRADE-A DISH Cynthia contemplates if maybe Kenya wasn't the safest person to whom to entrust her gossip.

Bravo

Kenya invites over her Aunt Lori and cousin Che, and her Aunt Lisa and Uncle Marc, who are in from out of town, to tell them she’s “definitely going to have a child.” To which Aunt Lori replies, “Can you be a little more specific?” Ha! Very reasonable request for clarification, Aunt Lori.

Specifically what Kenya means is she’s made an appointment to see about in vitro fertilization, that she’s tired of not having her own family, and she feels that having a child of her own will in some way repair the void that not having a mother has left in her. I feel for Kenya’s neglect by her mother, but I also feel that wanting to have a baby to repair something from your childhood is not a healthy maternal goal. Aunt Lisa is on my side and tells her maybe she should give being committed to the family she has a whirl first. She says it only slightly more gently.

Kandi and Todd go out to scout venues for her passion-project-musical. I have no reason to doubt the validity of Kandi’s venture (except that everyone around her seems to), but she seems very out of her element here. Hopefully, Todd being back on board after turning down his other job offer will help the production flow. Although I feel a little hesitant about his, well...hesitancy.

Finally, it’s time to keep the tiny-black-bus-with-tinted-windows industry alive and well in Atlanta and take a producer-mandated trip to Wolf Mountain Vineyards. Cynthia says she’s arranged this trip to introduce Natalie to the ladies, but for some reason Natalie doesn’t ride on the bus with everyone else (or the other bus that takes Kandi, Phaedra and Porsha, aka The Cool Bus + Porsha). I can’t even explain how much I wish this wasn’t an audition for Natalie, but rather for Extra Friend Lexus, who later answers a question about stealing a bottle of wine, “Y-Y-A-A-A-S-S-S, yaaaaas!” #teamlexus

On the ride to the vineyard, Cynthia decides to tell a bus that includes Kenya, Nene and Marlo, notorious troublemakers, that Natalie – the woman this whole trip is centered around introducing to her friends, mind you – told her Todd was an opportunist (drink!). There’s a charming little in-between-commercials segment where the women in the big bus talk trash about the state of the bodies of the women in the smaller bus. It sets womankind back about a century and is just delightful. Please cease doing that, cast and producers, alike.

Both buses and random solo act, Natalie, arrive at the vineyard to begin tasting Georgia’s finest wines. They take a detour to the beautiful chapel, which cues Kandi to say she’s thinking about just marrying Todd in a courthouse ceremony. Mal and Natalie both tell her they eloped in Las Vegas and have been happily married ever since. All that talk of happiness leads Kenya to zero in on Natalie and scoff, “That’s not the story I got.”

NEXT: Common-law marriage: It's what's for lunch!

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