The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Common-Law Shade

Kenya makes moves toward becoming both a mother and the worst person on the planet, and it’s all just a waiting game until next week
Ep. 12 | Aired Jan 19, 2014

GRADE-A DISH Cynthia contemplates if maybe Kenya wasn't the safest person to whom to entrust her gossip.

Bravo

This episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta left me very confused and a little riled up. These unnecessary and unnatural storylines of women going after other women’s marriages are a tricky road to travel and Bravo might be wise to tread a little more lightly. Because no one, and I mean no one, is buying Kenya’s shtick. I’m not here for this. I’m not here for bringing new people in just so there’s a chance for conflict. I’m not here for hangers-on. I’m not here for reality stars creating their own storylines to keep a paycheck.

I’m here for Kandi being a boss at business and not being apologetic for it. I’m here for Nene somehow getting a semi-reasonable IMDb page. I’m here for Mr. President. Hell, I’m even here for occasionally honest showings from Porsha as she tries, maybe not hard, but at least her version of hard, to become an autonomous adult. And, finally, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m here for just some little glimpse into the humanity of these people. And Kenya’s actions in this episode, and plenty of others, are inhuman.

I don’t believe for a second that Kenya is motivated by anything but stirring up a little storyline. That woman is too smart to act like this in any sort of actual reality. And if I’m not watching her reality, then what the hell am I watching? If I wanted to watch sociopathic fictional television, I’ve got a Netflix account, and, word on the street, that Breaking Bad is pretty good. If Kenya isn’t interesting enough to have a storyline that doesn’t involve toying with people’s marriages – first Sextgate, now CommonLawMarriagegate, all in the first half of one season – then get her out of here. I’d rather watch three more hours of Phaedra at Embalming Study Group than one more second of watching Kenya’s eyes light up as she realizes she’s earned herself two more minutes of screen time.

All of those grievances aired, however, this is maybe the second time all season that I’ve been emotionally invested enough to laugh, shout out, or feel any real emotion about this show at all. The first was of course with Mama Joyce, who I truly believe is that crazy; and now with Kenya, whose motivations are crystal clear: just make it to season 7.

I’ll just give you a very brief recap of anything that happened pre-vineyard and then get right down to it, because heaven knows that’s what these women did. Cynthia and Peter are celebrating (I use that term loosely) their third anniversary, which inexplicably includes another couple, singer/actor Christopher Williams, and his wife Natalie, the second woman to be officially auditioned for season 7 via a whole created narrative arc. What I can’t understand is why Bravo keeps trying to bring these women in via drama that revolves around their husbands. The husbands are the worst part of RHOA (‘cept you Gregg, you got yourself straight, Gregg).

Natalie’s friend dated Todd over 10 years ago and she says he “knows how to find himself in situations to better himself,” which Peter immediately follows up with, “To hear you say he’s an opportunist…” (drink!). This is a joke, right? I’m not saying Todd couldn’t very well be an opportunist (drink!), but everyone always twisting him not having as much as money, or him being a hustler, into him being a gold-digger is plain tiresome. Cynthia ends the evening by saying, “No matter how bad it gets, I wouldn’t trade Peter for the world.” It’s a terrible plan, and I’ll hold her to it.

NEXT: Kenya redefines the word "definitely"


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