'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' recap: Every Party has a Pooper

NeNe, please. The woman needs a new argument when it comes to hating on Kim. She can't flame out when Kim calls her a b*#&$ after she herself has already threatened to snap Kim's neck and pop her eyes out. She can't claim her bewigged nemesis is childish and immature after insisting that she's going to throw the woman's cellulite-free ass out the window. When it comes to her moments of rage, NeNe does not in fact behave like a grown-ass woman. She's a nut, as needlessly aggressive as Kim is needling. But she's shrewd enough to know how to instantly respin their arguments. Dealing with Kim is like enduring a two-year-old's tantrum, she told us. "Um, Mommy is not playing with you now." Cute, but no cigar. Both of these women bring out the fool in one another.

What a relief to get off that damn bus. Hey Sheree! Where have you been all season, you cute thing?  ("Where is Kandi?" she wondered, as NeNe and Kim hollered over one another. "Did y'all kill her?") The women moseyed inside Thomas Kramer's garish estate, a mansion that may have served as a set piece in the movie Eyes Wide Shut. Thomas, a jolly, leering kind of fellow, was good enough to host the ladies. Though it was unclear if he expected to be repaid by Kim rubbing him down at night with hot wax or perhaps with the slaughter and stuffing of one the other Housewives. His laugh will echo in my nightmares for days. Thomas tried to introduce himself to NeNe, who curtly said hello before wondering how he could be fool enough to be friends with someone like Kim. Anyways, thanks for letting us stay!

Kim and NeNe retreated to separate corners of the Kramer estate. NeNe asserted her case to Phaedra, Sheree, Kandi, and Cynthia, who was wearing the oddest pair of space sunglasses ever. Again, NeNe pretended that all that drama was merely her way of standing up for a sister. If Sweetie can't handle her own self, then NeNe feels honor bound to do so. Whatever helps you sleep at night, lady. Kim was stuck on the stoop smoking ciggies with Sweetie, hosting a mini-convention of Dumb and Dumber. "If you felt like you were a slave would you tell me?" Kim asked with a little snicker. She knew NeNe was probably trashing her to the other girls but at least she could count on Kandi having her back. Uh, well....

That night at dinner, the ladies kept it real. Cynthia looked like she hadn't slept in months, NeNe like she wanted to lean over and take a nap on Phaedra's enormous rack. This was shaping up to be the worst girls' weekend ever. Thank God Lawrence burst onto the scene, thanks to Sheree's invitation. "Lawrence is one of the girls," Sheree reasoned. Oh who cares at this point. Someone breathe some life into this taxidermied bunch.

UP NEXT: Can a couple of greasy strippers liven up this dreary Florida weekend? (No.)

Page 1 2 NEXT