'Project Runway' season premiere recap: No Jammies No Jammies!

"Good moan-ing, design-uhs!" After eight seasons of listening to Heidi Klum's signature chirp, this is how my sister, mom, and I greet each other whenever we visit. And over e-mail. Just go with it. You! You are a design-uh. What, are you not? Gretchen is. You are.

Welcome back to Project Runway, season 9. I am not EW.com's eternally reigning Runway-recap queen Missy Schwartz. I'm as depressed about that as you are, believe me. Every day. Ms. Missy delivered a healthy but more importantly fashion-forward baby boy earlier this month, so I'll be filling in here until she's back from maternity leave. Fun fact: The baby's middle name is Nicholas, and every time I think about that, I can hear Missy imitating Heidi  — "Nic-oh-laaaaaaas!" — from way back in season 6. She named her son after a reality TV contestant? How embarrassing! (Middle name of my future baby: Maksim-Bergeron.)

"Are we reeeeeeeeeally back here again?" wondered our increasingly alien-like host. I guess so, "Heidi." Have a cracker. To "shake things up" a bit for season 9, Runway invited 20 designers to present their work to Heidi, Tim Gunn, Nina Garcia, and Top Ameh-wiccan Design-uh Michael Kors. (Screw this CFA Lifetime Achievement Award thing; I gotta go old school.) But only 16 would win the privilege of ripping off their own clothes in order to compete in the first challenge.

Two screengrabs before we continue, just to set the scene. First, the actual expression on Nina Garcia's face as soon-to-be-eliminated designer Rafael claimed "Nina and I are clearly talking sex with our eyes."

No.

And here's Tim, after learning that designer Anya, a former Miss Trinidad and Tobago, had learned to sew just four months ago. "I'm baffled," he said, before rising to inspect Anya's clothes. He then returned to his seat and ramped the drama up a notch.

"I'm horrified."

NEXT: Cue Gunnfire! Tim chases everyone out of bed.

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