So where is Pan hiding -- Cannibal Cove? Crocodile Creek? Mermaids' Lagoon, among those sea wenches who are inexplicably different from Ariel? Nope: He's at his "thinking tree," which I immediately assume to be Never Land's version of Dawson's creek. (Pan, as Magical Elf Paula Cole, wails: "I come out here to think sometimes.") I am obviously wrong; it's actually the tree where Malcolm 'Stiltskin the malcontent was transformed into Peter Pan the perpetual teenager.
Regina, Emma, and Snow head off to find their nemesis there. Upon arriving, they're distracted by Pandora's Box, which Pan has just left on top of a rock. Trust Snow not to think this looks suspicious. It is, of course, a trap; the trio is soon captured by a set of vines that shoot out from the thinkin' tree's trunk. Pan appears right on cue for another sneer session and villain monologue, explaining that this is no ordinary enchanted wood: It feeds off of regret, something the ladies have in spades. (Or, in Regina's apparent case, hearts.)
There's one tiny wrinkle, though, that Pan didn't count on -- and that's the depth of the Evil Queen's sociopathy. See, Regina has done some stuff. She's persuaded a lovelorn genie to murder her good-guy husband; she's murdered one of Rumpelstiltskin's magic students just to prove a point; she's slaughtered an entire village while in pursuit of Snow White. By all means, she admits, "I should be overflowing with regret." But here's the thing: "I'm not." Why? "Because it got my my son." And with that, the mama grizzly easily shakes off the vines, reaches into Pan's chest, yanks out Henry's glowing gold heart, then calls it a day. This Mother's Day, we should all write cards and sonnets and epic poems celebrating Regina's awesomemess.
With heart and Pandora's Box in tow, the gang returns to the Jolly Roger. Henry's heart is restored; Rumpelstiltskin is freed from his mythical prison; Marilyn Manson's shadow is blasted onto the ship's sail via cannon, giving the vessel the powers of flight and world-jumping. Various characters (Emma and Charming, Nealfire and Rumpel, Tinker Bell and Wendy) are left with nothing to do but engage in a series of heart-to-hearts. There's that neat little bow I mentioned earlier; it's even got a sprinkling of glowing green pixie dust.
NEXT: Psych, made ya look!