Meanwhile, Nealfire finally reveals how the Magical Breakfast Club and co. can book their ticket off this sun-forsaken island: by hitching a ride with Pan's world-jumping shadow. (If Regina and Rumpel built a magical submarine, do you think Ariel might be able to escort them home instead?) First, though, they'll need to capture the slippery shade, who likes to hang out in a super edgy part of Never Land called Dark Hollow. You know, because the rest of the isle is so well-lit.
Our resident love triangle -- Emma, Nealfire, and Hook -- sets off toward the hollow, stopping first in Bae's old boy cave to snag his coconut star map. Wait, that's not a star map after all; it's a shadow vacuum. You know, one of those coconuts. Along the way, there's much tension... especially once Bae finds out about Hook and Emma's steamy makeout sesh. Gentlemen, gentlemen -- does the phrase "triangulated desire" mean anything to you?
Apparently not! At one point, when Hook and Emma are alone, the pirate tells the savior that he's still a diehard Captain Swan shipper: "When I win your heart, Emma -- and I will win it," he promises, "it will not be because of any trickery. It will be because you want me." Just call it the line that launched a thousand GIFs.
Bae and Hook's passive aggression turns into straight up aggressive aggression once they reach Dark Hollow. The plan is to catch the shadow's attention with a candle flame, then use the flame to suck him into a coconutty prison. But when Nealfire can't get the wick lit, Hook snatches away his lighter. The two start squabbling in earnest, barely noticing that three Sim ghosts -- I mean, Pan's shadow and two accomplices -- are about to attack.
If you tuned in to "Dark Hollow" after tonight's "Previously on Once..." segment, you might be filled with suspense right about now. Everyone else can guess what will happen next -- as Hook and Bae are incapacitated, Emma taps into her still murkily defined magical powers and lights the candle. Mimi finds her stash; the shadow is trapped. And after they've escaped the danger, Emma sets her love interests straight: If she has to choose someone, she says, she's going to pick Henry. (Not in a Boardwalk Empire kind of way. Gross, guys.)
NEXT: Three more reasons why Ariel's the best