Once Upon a Time recap: There's a She-Wolf in the Freezer

Ever have one of those mornings where you just can't remember if you savagely murdered someone the previous night? Red Riding Hood feels you, man.
Ep. 07 | Aired Nov 11, 2012

NOT JUST CHOKING AROUND This is the weirdest shampoo ad ever.

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Though Charming is sure of Red's innocence, she insists on being locked up again that night. When King George threatens the safety of the town's actual jail cells, Charming moves Red to the Storybrooke library instead. (All the coolest wolves know the library's the place to be when the moon is full.) Charming and Granny then set off to prove Red's innocence by tracking down circumstantial evidence -- like, say, Red's cloak, which is being stashed in King George's car. As they're breaking into vehicles without a warrant, a guilty Red is sincerely thanking Belle for her friendship -- before chaining up the librarian so that she can head out on the town. Red is hoping that once she turns, she'll be killed by an angry mob and therefore pay for her crimes. Belle, you might want to reconsider your whole monster fixation.

The plot has thickened in Fairy Land as well. Using the skills Red taught her, Snow has tracked her friend to the wolves' underground lair -- only to be nearly strangled to death by Quinn. He doesn't loosen his grip on the princess's neck until Anita asks him to. Then Red drops a pair of bombshells -- she's reconnected with her long-lost claw mama, and she's planning to stay with the pack instead of leaving with Snow. Though she's sad, Snow says she understands Red's decision; she'd do anything to be with her own mother again. All seems well... until an arrow flies through Quinn's cute chest.

Oh no, Regina's goons have followed Snow to the wolf hideout! Though the knights are soon defeated by a barrage of neck-breaking, the damage has been done; Quinn is dead, and Anita's belief that all humans are merciless killing machines has been validated. Red's mother declares that as punishment for her actions, the pack will feast on the flesh of the princess -- after Red kills her. Moooooom, you are ruining my life! Leave my friends alone!! In the end, Red chooses surrogate family over blood family and wolf-shifts to save Snow, accidentally killing her old lady in the process. Well, that's one way for an adolescent to prove her independence. Emma and Snow better watch out -- as a general rule, moms don't last so long in Fairy Land.

The townspeople of Storybrooke, led by King Charles Widmore, go from zero to mob in nine seconds flat. They've somehow dug up flaming torches and pitchforks -- actual pitchforks; is there any hay within the city limits?-- and are out for Red's blood. Upon tracking the werewolf down, George nearly shoots her -- only to find his pistol on the receiving end of one of Granny's arrows. From now on, an episode of Once will not be complete unless it includes Granny wielding weapons.

Thank the nondenominational spirits for Charming, who talks some sense into Storybrooke's citizens, then manage to soothe the savage Red using only his words -- and that magic cloak, which quickly transforms her back into a fully-clothed Anne Hathaway lookalike. Good dog! Looks like everything's wrapped in a neat little package... except wait, where did Charming's rascally old stepdad go?

NEXT: Just when you thought he couldn't get any eviler...

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