Once Upon a Time recap: Dead Wood

August/Pinocchio's triumphant return to Storybrooke isn't exactly so triumphant
Ep. 18 | Aired Mar 24, 2013

ONE STRING ATTACHED At least, until The Dragon gets through with Il Burattino.

Jack Rowand/ABC


- Argue all you want about whether wooden August actually should have conducted electricity, or why the taser didn't burn him, or why it affected him at all; when magic is involved, I think the laws of science sort of go out the window.

- Hook has escaped the storage room in Bae's building. (With or without Tamara's help?) I hope he at least grabs some pizza before making his way back to Maine.

- Snow listens to Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" while practicing archery in the woods. Quick, what do you associate most with this song: 10 Things I Hate About You, Freaks and Geeks, or Shrek? Disney hopes it's not the latter.

- ABC missed a great opportunity for a Grey's Anatomy crossover tonight. Imagine it: August travels to Seattle Grace Grey Sloan to get his leg fixed, flirts with April, ends up teaching everyone a Very Important Lesson about redemption. Ratings gold!

- Pinocchio bitterly calls himself a "wood pile of failure," just like that fire you tried to build on your seventh grade camping trip.

- I wish August had told some lies tonight; we were cheated out of a goofy, animated growing nose.

- When Bae comes clean and tells Tamara that he's from the land of fairy tales, she covers for her lack of shock by accusing him of still having feelings for Emma. I will wish upon a star for the writers not to draw out this love triangle business, especially since one leg of the triangle is a big fat fake.

- Regina advises Snow to sample Granny's fish of the day: "Blackened sole." Snow should have suggested that Regina try the diner's Bitch Pie.

- Speaking of, Regina has deduced that Stranger Greg is actually Little Boy Owen. How? Eh, who cares how; the important thing is that lanyards once again got their rightful place in the spotlight tonight.

- Another important fact about Tamara: She's "quite human," though this obviously could be a lie.

- Tamara tells The Dragon that she's killing him because she can't risk anyone else finding him. Huh? Jillions of people have already found him -- they're coming to him every day for magical cures.

- Update: Just saw this on another site and had to add it in -- is The Dragon supposed to be Mushu from Mulan? (If so, why didn't they just get Eddie Murphy? He's available!)

- Though August's first Once episode aired in mid-January 2012, he apparently traveled to Storybrooke in November 2011. So when did tonight's episode take place, timeline nerds?

- We've got three long Once-less weeks ahead, though evidently the show's last few episodes will include the introduction of Robin Hood (because this series just doesn't have enough characters yet). Let's try to fill that time with plenty of juicy discussion: Did Pinocchio's return satisfy you? What do you think Tamara's deal is? And what would you guess to be Hook's pizza topping of choice? (Gotta be anchovies, right?)

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