Image credit: David Gray/ABC
WELCOME BACK, SHERIFF SKINNYJEANS Who knew those clothes would be in style again in the 21st century?
Uh-oh -- Past Regina has discovered that life in Storybrooke is a lot like life in Punxsutawney, circa February 2, 1993. The repetition of day-to-day interactions isn't what bothers her, though. Instead, it's the fact that everyone in town is under her thumb just because she's forced them to be that way. (Picture your girlfriend saying that she wants you to want to see The Vow with her.)
At least there's one bright spot on the horizon: little Owen, who gives the queen a lanyard that warms the dark cockles of her black, black heart. Regina invites the kid and his dad to dinner -- lasagna and apple turnovers, naturally -- where she learns that the Flynns have recently lost their missus. What luck; there's a Regina-shaped hole in this family, assuming the lady Flynn was fairly shapely! Because she hasn't yet learned that Earth people are just a wee bit more naturally suspicious than Fairy Land folk, Regina goes ahead and asks Kurt if he and Owen would like to stay in Storybrooke and play with her... forever. Kurt, perhaps finally remembering his Stephen King, wisely lets her down easy and then moves to get the hell out of Dodge.
Regina gets wind of Kurt's plan and quickly draws out Sheriff Skinnyjeans's heart, ordering the bearded lawman to arrest Mr. Flynn and keep him from leaving town. You've got to love how she just talks into it, as though his left ventricle were a walkie-talkie. Unfortunately, Kurt walks into her office just in time to hear the crazy lady giving orders to a glowing, plastic organ... then gets confirmation that something seriously weird is happening when Graham bursts in and tries to tackle him. And that, folks, is why nobody should ever go camping.
Back to the future! Emma and Bae decide the best thing for Henry will be to ship him off to New York, where Regina's magic can't touch him (even though the Jolly Roger's magic apparently works there. Eh, a technicality). Henry, however, has other plans. In his mind, people don't kill people -- spells kill people, meaning that the only way to stop the madness consuming his family is to get rid of all the town's magic. And the only way for him to get rid of Storybrooke's mystical powers is by... tossing some lit dynamite down the Wishing Well. Wait, what? Did Wile E. Coyote suggest this plan?
NEXT: Curse you, Warner Brothers!!