So the Dark One's spawn and his girlfriend head to a snowy clearing, where they quickly discover the seal Lumiére described. They're a bit hesitant to take the plunge and actually unlock the thing, until Lumiére declares that he knows what he's talking about because he's been in Rump's library for 200 years. And that's when Belle knows he's been lying this whole time. (As every good Rumbelle supporter knows, the Dark One built the library for Belle -- meaning it's existed for barely 30 years, not two centuries.)
At this, the candle holder comes clean: He's working with the Wicked Witch, who wants to bring Rump back to life so she can control him. Upon hearing this, Belle is ready to cut their losses and go home to finish reading A Dance with Dragons. But Nealfire takes the news differently -- if this has been the Witch's plan all along, that means Rump really can be brought back to life. So he slides in the key, quickly gets branded by its Illuminati-esque symbol, and sits back to watch his father emerge from the goo within the manhole, like T-Boz, Left Eye, and Chilli's much creepier great-uncle.
Father and child reunion? Not quite. This is when Zelena decides to swoop in and crow that Lumiére forgot to mention one teensy detail: The Dark One can be resurrected only if the resurrector sacrifices his own life. Whoops! But revived Rump isn't ready to let his son go once again, so he elects instead to absorb Neal's spirit, consciousness, and body into his own being -- which would be why in the present day, Rumpel has been driven just a little bit nuts. This would be the perfect moment for Belle to grab the Dark Dagger, depriving the Witch of control over Rumpel. Instead, the princess flees the scene with Lumiére in tow. Which all in all isn't a bad consolation prize; the feather duster tells me he's very good company.
Present-day Storybrooke gets shaken up when a beloved missing person staggers into the pawn shop. It's not Rump, though -- it's Neal, looking worse for wear and sporting a mysterious Illuminati symbol on his palm. (Maybe it's the key to electing the next pope!) Naturally, he can't remember anything past Emma's yellow Bug fading into the distance. Now that he's back, though, he's determined to make up for lost time... especially once he learns that his father's alive. (This would be the perfect moment for "He Lives in You" to start playing.)
NEXT: Snow is Dopey