After brushing off a cupcake from Jess and saying she was "not a dessert person" (sacrilege!), Julia brusquely made it clear that patience neither for Jess's blankie-toting twee sweetness nor for her walking-through-life-surrounded-by-hummingbirds-and-a-self-styled-soundtrack affectation. At least that's how Julia saw it -- as an affectation. Jess, of course, is utterly (and sometimes painfully) authentic, so the collision of overwhelming cynicism and angry-making enthusiasm was toxic.
The next morning, much the opposite of what you would think, Jess didn't brush off Julia's unintended -- but still totally judgmental -- insult, nor did she bend over backward to get Julia to like her. Instead, she sought solace in a coven of girlfriends (CeCe, rocking Jess's hideous ribbon hat in solidarity, and a newly introduced gal pal, lesbian gynecologist Sadie). Nick happened upon the conversation and tried to understand where the tension began, but Jess couldn't explain it on guy terms because she was fully aware it was girl-fight nonsense.
Nick argued that Julia was straightforward and explained this is why she doesn't have many girl friends. (Oh, Nick, even Chris Harrison knows that's a red flag.) Jess mentioned that Julia wasn't being so straightforward when she had angled to find out whether Nick was bringing home other girls during their chat the night before and threw Julia's non-labeling weirdness in Nick's face. Of course that only made things worse for everyone involved. But not before Sadie mentioned that refusing to label things was "a classic move, even in the lesbian community." At which point, Schmidt, who was not even involved in the conversation clumsily sprinted into the room and was all, "So what did I miss?" Proving herself to be awesome, Sadie totally called him out for butting in solely because he overheard the words "lesbian community."
Tensions were high that night as Julia dropped by the bar to say hi to Nick. From a safe distance, Jess took every opportunity to toss out cutting-but-still-cute jabs at her nemesis. Back at the taps, Nick confronted Julia about trying to find out his commitment level, and they had a weird passive-aggressive back-and-forth about how they were totally having sex (lot of it!) with other people. It was clearly a lie, and it ultimately came out that Julia mainly didn't like Jess because Jess brought a lot of insecurities to the surface -- about her inability to be girly in the legal world, but mainly because she could see some heat between Jess and Nick. Heat that those two can't even see for themselves, mind you. By the end of the night, basically everyone in the bar ended up crying.
NEXT: Jess has touched glitter in the last 24 hours and she will not apologize for it