Nashville recap: Family Feud

It's Juliette vs. Layla, Deacon vs. Teddy, and Will vs. his demons in "I'm Tired of Pretending"
Ep. 09 | Aired Dec 4, 2013

BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOU Juliette gently reminds Will to step up his hat game, especially in her presence.

Mark Levine/ABC

Deacon's public defender domestic partner Megan continues to be his rock, legal counsel, and sympathetic sounding board. "I'm not trying to get custody, nothing like that. I'm not trying to be a parent," Deacon sputters, then sort of contradicts himself: "But if Maddie wants stuff from me, she's gonna get it." It's a confusing time. I like that he's got her right now. Her question for him was slow and simple: "Are you ready to be a permanent part of Maddie's life?" They both know the answer is yes.

Meanwhile, a terrifying four-way phone conversation situation prompts Zoey and Avery to visit Scarlett and Gunnar on tour, and it's such a doggone mess and I almost refuse to discuss it because Zoey could have EASILY just said no to this last-minute trip. Maybe she has a phantom friend visiting. Family emergency. Teaching a How to Look Amazing While Working Out seminar. Lamaze class. Would it be so ludicrous to imagine Zoey might have other plans? (Yes!!!) Who is holding down the Bluebird while they're gone? Will some schmuck steal the Foursquare mayorship from Avery?! Just think of the consequences next time, guys.

But they don't, so Scarlett's current (and former) love interest visits St. Louis with her best friend, who's hooking up with the guy she dated in between Avery Phases. Confused yet? Basically, Scarlett isn't supposed to find out about all the sex Zoey and Gunnar are having. It'd corrupt her too much as she sofa-stews in her extremely cozy-looking white, heathered onesie. Agh! I just want to hug it. Is that weird?

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Tell me our ethereal doily is not wearing the most snuggly thing you've ever seen!

She's just a delicate fish-tailed flower. She couldn't handle it! I can't determine what kind of romantic structure this four-way tension is mounted on. Is it a Romantic Rhombus, like in The O.C. (and later Revenge)? No, I think that's when three people all want one other person. I've drawn this Nashville four-way mess out on paper and I think it looks more like a Love X. Or maybe it's just an X -- even though Gunnar and Zoey establish mid-kiss that their fling is a "thing." One thing's for sure: It definitely doesn't matter.

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Sidenote: Neither Gunnar nor I were impressed by Avery's mullet this week.

NEXT: Oh no! Not Tandy!

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