Modern Family recap: The Pick-Up Artist

Cam sets out to prove he's got game with the ladies and Jay learns how to bust a move (with a little help from baby aspirin) for his lady
Ep. 07 | Aired Nov 2, 2011

SMOOTH MOVES Cam sets out to prove he could be a ladies man

Peter "Hopper" Stone/ABC

You know it's a good episode of Modern Family when I end the night with a smile -- and I mean that quite literally. Last night, when Phil made a friend in the final minutes of the episode, I realized as Happy Endings began that at some point, I had broken out into a full, teeth-exposing grin of glee. That, people, is the power of comedy. I mean, it's also a little creepy when I think of myself sitting here grinning alone, but let's focus on the positive. And there was so much of it last night.

In case you missed the episode, there's a good chance 90 percent of it is transcribed for you below in quotables. (Seriously, the hits just kept on coming!) But lets briefly run through the stories.

Over in Phil-ville, Luke and Phil set out to build a treehouse, but it turned out to be a horror. Phil, who's never a construction expert, seemed doomed for the beginning, but his heart was in the right place. But Luke was more concerned with keeping his head in the right place and once he saw the project take a nosedive, he decided to bow out.

Lame as it was to see Luke abandon his dad (but, let's admit it, it was for the best), it also gave Phil a chance to, as mentioned, make a new (brotha from a different motha) friend (Kevin Hart).

As great as that plot was, for the first time in a while, Phil's storyline wasn't my favorite of the night -- and that's keeping in mind that it was a tough one to beat. This makes me pleased. I love when the other family members get a chance to shine. Tonight, the episode belonged to Mitchell and Cam.

It all started while they were out with their friends and Cam tried to convince everyone that he had the ability to pick up women. To prove himself to the table of skeptics, Cam attempted (and succeeded!) at picking up a woman named Katie (Leslie Mann) at the bar.

Cam's pick up scene was actually one of the cutest things I've ever seen in awhile. The guy deserves some props for his clever approach -- and she as well for her clever coma rebuttal. But after picking her up, Cam felt bad the next day for being cavalier with Katie's emotions and decided to tell her the (big gay) truth. The problem? He couldn't bring himself to do so!

So he invited her over to his newly un-gayed home so he could break the important news -- but to his disappointment, it was pretty much non-news to Katie, who claimed she knew all along. She actually wanted Cam as a gay friend, who could, among other things, watch Julia Roberts movies with her. Disappointed, Cam, in a very sweet moment, confessed to his new friend that he wished everyone could find him attractive.

To help Cam prove himself to Mitchell, Cam's new girl [space] friend ended up going along with the original story, and pretended to be mad at Cam for deceiving her so that Mitchell couldn't gloat. She even gave him one hell of a smooch to seal the deal. I would love to see Mann -- and Phil's friend Andre, for that matter -- stick around!

Elsewhere, Claire dealt with Haley, who claimed she didn't have any obstacles to write about for her college essays. The debacle ended with Claire driving Haley out to the middle of nowhere and leaving her there to find her way back. I'd expand, but this was sort of a lost storyline for me, especially in an episode with so many other great things going on.

Another one of said awesome plots happened over at Jay's, where we saw the return of Shorty (Chazz Palminteri) and the introduction of his lady friend Darlene (Jennifer Tilly). After talk of their friends' hot social life and fancy dates made Gloria jealous, she and Jay argued over the fact that they never did anything she wanted to do. Her point was further made after Jay rejected the couple's offer to go dancing, in part, he later revealed, because he didn't know how to dance.

Never a man to live with the guilt of disappointing his smokin' hot wife, Jay got dancing lessons from Manny (and a pig farmer). Mitchell showed his support for the endeavor by seemingly giving Jay something to loosen up. (But not to worry, it was just baby aspirin.) Still, it helped Jay get some (false) courage and he ended up surprising Gloria at the club. (Did you catch the moment where a guy tried to pick up Gloria with the same line Cam used on Katie? Clever!) Jay Pritchett, I love you -- even though you mocked the song from Beauty and the Beast and hate rainbows. You and 6-year-old Sandra would not get along.

Next: The night's best lines!

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