'Modern Family' recap: Manhandle With Care

Spending the night with my favorite TV family made the fact that I’m not going home to see my own clan for the holidays a little more bearable. In "Mother Tucker," Cam’s mom Barb (Ceila Weston), came for a visit. Barb was relatively normal (especially considering how eccentric Cam is), but if Mitchell had one complaint, which of course he did, it was that she’s a little too handsy. Mitchell, worried that he would hurt Cam’s feelings, sought out Claire for advice. She (not so kindly) pointed out that Mitchell was the one who had major boundary issues and might be overreacting. And for Claire, invading Mitchell’s space “never stops being fun!”

Mitchell nonetheless set out to expose Barb’s “magic fingers,” only to have his plan backfire. Cam was in near tears as he instructed Mitchell to show him on Lily’s doll where Barb touched him, and I nearly cried from laughing. Barb heard Mitchell’s complaint, and then there were two hurt Tuckers. Barb came around and apologized for her behavior. She never meant any harm, she told Mitchell when she interrupted his bubble bath. (Force Field!) But don’t worry. She got in a quick picture before she left to have a good long think about how she conducts herself.

In the Dunphy residence, Claire walked in on Haley and her tutor, David, making out. “We only do this when I get one right!” But Claire was too joyous at the thought of a Haley-Dylan split to even be upset. She encouraged the new relationship and pressured Haley to break up with her guitar-playing beau, much to Phil’s dismay. (A traumatic experience with a water polo player and a school intercom scarred him for life.)

Feeling sorry for Dylan, Phil set out to bond with his daughter’s ex. The two talked about their dreams (Phil’s songwriting, and Dylan’s desire to own a bobcat and go to Graceland), and tried to keep their newfound friendship a secret from Haley and Mrs. Dunphy. Meanwhile, Haley had a meltdown when she assumed Dylan was out with another girl. Not so fast, Haley. That other chick was just your dad. Phil doesn’t care if his sweatshirt looks like one a girl would wear to a beach! He likes it!

Over in the Pritchett-Delgado home, Jay was feeling a little under the weather. Manny, who wasn’t loving Jay’s color, turned to his trusted “crazy doctor website” to give him a proper diagnosis. Jay initially brushed off Manny’s concern, but as the pain continued he started to worry that something might actually be wrong. Gloria scoffed at them both, saying the only thing wrong with them was using a computer to investigate medical symptoms. She comes from Colombia where trips to the hospital are apparently infrequent. But Jay ignored her judgment and decided to go to the hospital anyway. There he learned that he had appendicitis and would need emergency surgery. Gloria felt completely guilty for assuming he just had gas, and Jay wished his wife would go back to her not-caring ways.

NEXT: The 10 best lines and moments from "Mother Tucker."

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