Last Resort recap: Going Bananas

Three sailors are kidnapped by the local island dictator, leading the Colorado on an errand of criminality.
Ep. 03 | Aired Oct 11, 2012

EENIE MEENIE MINEY BOOM Julian took Cortez and Brannan hostage. Would he kill them? Or would he kill the suspiciously handsome fellow who was so clearly a redshirt that his name was actually "Redman"? Decisions, decisions! Nobody ever said that being an Island dictator would be so hard.

Mario Perez/ABC

Last week's episode of Last Resort focused on the world around Sainte Marina Island, and the new geopolitical realities emerging from Captain Chaplin's decision to turn Sainte Marina into a nuclear oligarchy -- a "nuclearchy," if you will. The third episode of Last Resort, conversely, developed the social stratosphere of the Island itself. Suffice it to say that, just a few days into the occupation, things are trending downwards. Sam raced down to the market to break up a fight between irate villagers and exhausted seaman. One sailor had stolen a single banana. The sailor shrugged: "It was a banana. I'm hungry." Sam insisted that the sailor follow basic rules of law; the sailor angrily stripped down to his skivvies and declared himself a member of the opposition, and was immediately sent to the brig. The COB looked on from his luxurious outdoor prison cell, glowering.

Up at NATO HQ, Captain Chaplin received a call from White House Senior Advisor Straw, who kindly informed him that -- so long as he stands in opposition to the United States -- his son would not be granted a military funeral. She didn't outright say that they were going to dress Chaplin's dead son in sunglasses and re-enact Weekend at Bernie's II, but the implication was there. Chaplin paid a visit to the COB and tried to explain that they both wanted the same thing: Chaplin facing a court-martial. "You can be the star witness for the prosecution," Chaplin told the COB. The COB agreed, although Sam doesn't trust him and Grace keeps waiting for him to hang himself from his shoelaces. There's some repressed hostility, is what I'm trying to say.

Over at the local watering hole, James noticed one of his poker buddies wearing a watch that used to belong to one of the missing sailors. Those missing sailors, it turns out, have been the personal guests of Mayor Julian. Cortez (the badass chick) and Brannan (the white guy with some massive opinions about hip-hop) were joined at Julian's table by Seaman Redman, a blank-looking fellow who looked nothing at all like the star of Method & Red, alas. Julian gave the captured sailors a fancy speech about a local 15-year-old boy who died during a skirmish brought about by the Navy infestation. Then he announced his intention to kill one of them. Cortez asked to talk to Julian personally. Later, we saw Cortez return to her fellow sailors. "What did you say?" said Redman. "It's not what she said," said Brannan. "It's what she did." I'm a bit torn between wondering if the implied sexual assault was handled delicately, or if it was soft-pedaled so completely as to be a bit offensive. Viewers: Your thoughts?

Chaplin paid a visit to Julian, with Sophie playing diplomat. Julian told Chaplin that -- if he wanted to see his sailors again -- he would need to retrieve something from a boat offshore. Problem: The Great Powers of the outside world are encircling the island in a blockade. Chaplin tried to play Big Stick Teddy Roosevelt and told him: "There's no need to quarrel. Because if we do: You lose." Julian responded without fear, explaining that facing off with him would result in "Death by a thousand cuts." He gave Chaplin a time limit: Sunrise, tomorrow. In the span of a few days, Chaplin has gone from being a respected Navy officer to a rebel dictator to a bagman for a druglord.

Elsewhere on the island: Tani took James on a date to meet her father! They splashed water playfully on each other. Then Tani got in a fight with her father, because her little brother was following in dad's footsteps and becoming an island warrior, or something. Tani ran off, James followed her, and then they jumped off a waterfall together and playfully splashed each other. It was just like Avatar, except without blue people, which means it was literally just like Fern Gully. I find it hard to not be intrigued by Tani and James, largely because they're the two wild-card characters on the show -- not really affiliated with any side of the island, and very far removed from the Evil Government Conspiracy back in America. Still, I'm not sure if "playful splashing" was the best way to develop their relationship.

Say, speaking of that Evil Government Conspiracy! Kylie was freaking out, anxiously waiting for a man in black with a coma-inducing gun around every corner. But Admiral Shepard told her she was in no danger. She's the daughter of DC royalty. She's one of DC's most eligible bachelorettes. She's also a parasite, and "This country has made you rich buying your family's weapons." So take a stand, Kylie! Kylie did just that. She stood up and asked her boyfriend to ask his Senator to look into the curious case of the Arctic Network. Later that night, a mysterious bald man paid Kylie's boyfriend a visit. Fans of Shawn Ryan TV shows will note that the mysterious bald man was played by Michael Gaston, who played an utterly amoral lawyer on the great one-season series Terriers. (Aside: Fans of TV arcana might enjoy the fact that Gaston appeared way back on the Sopranos series premiere as a degenerate gambler who owed money to the mob; in Sopranos season 2, Last Resort costar Robert Patrick had a recurring role as a different degenerate gambler who owed money to the mob. End of Aside.) Kylie came home that night to discover that the plans for the top-secret Perseus device had been stolen. The mysterious bald man walked into her apartment...and Kylie said, "Oh, daddy, thank god it's you!" TWIST, ka-kow!

NEXT: Redman dies at dawn!

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