The ER on Grey's Anatomy isn't the only thing that's back this week: I've taken over Tanner Stransky's usual recap yet again, and although I don't come with stylish new coffee sleeves, I'm also not nearly as expensive. I mean that in a very classy way, of course. But back to what's important: The Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital was up and running last night!
This week, it seemed that Cristina, Meredith, Derek, Callie, Arizona, and Jackson had finally figured out their new roles at the hospital. First things first, Cristina used her new found power to buy her man Owen a little present in the form of a LODOX, a low-radiation, x-ray stat scanner, duh. Basically, it was able to perform full-body scans in just 13 seconds and was the best new edition to the ER, like, ever.
So while Owen was busy thanking Cristina for his new toy, Callie was, once again, feeling the repercussions of not being, you know, thanked...in a very long time. Despite the fact that Arizona purchased a new lifelike, high-heeled leg that made "her ass go pow," according to Callie, Arizona wasn't feeling particularly sexy and poor Callie looked like she was going to cry if she didn't get a little loving, and soon. Thank goodness Mark Sloan -- God rest his soul -- wasn't around to tempt her, am I right?
Back at the dream house, Derek was busy telling his unborn child about his fly fishing adventures in order to calm him or her down. It worked. But what it didn't do was calm down Meredith, who was busy contemplating the millions of things that could be wrong with the couple's unborn child. McDreamy assured her that everything was going to be fine, and that, even if their baby ended up being blind or deaf or both, Hey, even Helen Keller went to college. Nice one, Derek. But Mer took things a step further, with this comment: "If anybody's going to have a baby with two heads, three arms, and eleven toes, it's going to be me." She was being ridiculous, obviously, but did that statement make the tiniest bit of sense to anyone else?
The next day, it was the official re-opening of the super fancy new ER. We're talking iPads, touch screens on the wall, and let's not forget about the glorious LODOX, which made Owen act like a little boy in a toy store...until he realized that it was going to be a slow day. Sprained ankles didn't exactly merit a full-body scan, which meant that Owen's favorite toy wasn't getting played with, and he was quite pouty about it.
Cristina, however, was feeling good about what a particular magazine described as their "cutting edge, research-oriented hospital with an advanced level one trauma center" -- that is, until she discovered that a man she went to school with had become a more successful heart surgeon than her. So she ran off to find a heart worth cutting into, and Meredith bugged Alex with her many conspiracy theories on what could be wrong with her child. The good news? If the baby had a heart defect, Cristina promised to fix it. What are best friends for, right?
NEXT: Alex punks Jo's new boyfriend