'Grey's Anatomy' recap: Blame It on the Alcohol

Number of gratuitously shirtless hunks this episode: 2. (Go ahead, Jackson, suffer your more-silent-than-Cristina’s PTSD, as long as we can see your pecs!) Number of grants received: 1. (Congrats, Derek, you may now study Alzheimer’s.) Number of major-character residents suddenly on the night shift: All of them. Number of attendings getting drunk at the bar: All of them. Number of former residents now tending bar at Joe’s: 1. (Cristina, please never wear that cutoff jean jacket or fringey airbrushed T-shirt again.) Number of witty lines: Nearly uncountable, though we shall try to enumerate them and contextualize them here.

“I call this the Early-Onset Alzheimer’s because you won’t remember anything after you drink it.”
Yes, Cristina invented a really tasteless drink, apparently in more ways than one. And it was blue, like antifreeze.

“You’re married. You don’t get to have an opinion about my pathetic foray into Internet dating.” –Teddy, to Derek
Poor Teddy ended up at Joe’s after a date that lasted less than an hour, and that started with the guy asking, “What’s your favorite food?” Derek offered his keen insight: “That’s why you don’t meet people on the Internet.” (BTW, is this Internet-dating-hate from like 2003? Everyone meets online these days! Give the lady credit for getting out of damn Seattle Grace to meet someone. I sit here writing this recap next to the boyfriend I met online. So, okay, maybe I’m a little defensive. But still.) I have to say, I’ve come around on Teddy — I wasn’t sure about her at first, but now I like her, and I really want her to find someone. “Go to Africa,” she implored Callie, riffing on the unlikelihood of finding love like hers and Arizona’s again. Totally too bad Teddy’s not a lesbian. Those two could work well together.

Bailey had other things on her mind (like the patient she lost last week to a fistula), clearly, even as she slurred through her thoughts on online dating. “Is there a box for fistulas?” she asked of those “interests” boxes you check on dating profiles. “Because that’s what I want. A guy who can talk fistulas. … Find a man who’s interested in fistulas and pancreases and you’ll find a man who’s not Internet dating.”

“You ever have the tiramisu at Gina’s Trattoria? … Neither have I, because you dragged me away from my dinner to examine a kid with gas.” –Dr. Stark, to Meredith
The Worst Pediatric Surgeon in the World, a.k.a. Ally McBeal’s John Cage, was back to wreak more havoc this week, this time on a little boy with major abdominal pain after his chest surgery. Surely Stark knows that the minute you pitch this kind of fit, you’re going to be proven dead wrong by episode’s end. The fact that the kid’s mom was a nurse from a neighboring hospital really sealed the deal.

“How are we letting this happen? How are we okay with this?” –Teddy, watching Cristina tend bar
“I’m not okay with this,” Callie said, “I’m jealous.” Everyone was even more okay with Mark’s idea of a “sexual palate cleanser” (or “sexual sorbet,” as Bailey giggled under the influence of too much Early-Onset Alzheimer’s). Callie even went straight for a cute redhead in the back of the bar for just that purpose, only to find she liked only Callie’s haircut.

NEXT: Giving new, painful meaning to the expression "stuck like glue."

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