Image credit: Eric McCandless/ABC
HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM Cristina challenges Owen to touch only each other's arms from now on.
It's not really fair to non-Friday Night Lights fans for me to keep calling Shane Ross "Dr. Smash." I guess I'll call him Shane, or Ross. Would anyone object if I called him Smashane? Be honest. It's fine if the answer's no. It kind of makes him sound like a sassy lady. I actually think that's appropriate.
Anyway, Smashané (even sassier!) had to be the one to say "Stop" to the Richard Webber situation. The former chief of surgery was having trouble swallowing and losing too much weight. Once again, he was about to die. But Non-Vomiting Bailey couldn't bear to give him a feeding tube because of the psychological devastation involved. Meredith arrived, staples in her stomach and Vomiting Bailey's human excrement in her hair, to once again save Richard's life.
But Smashané took it upon himself to dramatically sweep in and insert Richard's nasogastric (NG) tube instead. And get this: He didn't want it. He resents being brought back to life at the point when he was all but dead. Not only that, but he was now able to verbalize to Meredith that the reason he'd named her power of attorney wasn't because he considered her family. "I'm not your father. I chose you because I thought you could put emotion aside and make the right call," he said. "I was wrong. I chose the wrong person."
Whoa. Also, Mer's boobs hurt and she smells like an old couch. No mercy.
Owen, who understandably feels like the only non-hospital-owning sucker in the joint, had to step it up and say "Stop!" to the wealthy benefactors practicing medicine all around him. The hospital needs both doctors and board members, he kept sputtering to anyone who would listen. So upon Jackson's suggestion, Owen had to grind his teeth, stoop to a lower caste level, and become a "traffic cop," putting the kibosh on pro bono surgeries until the profitable ones (liposuctions, obviously) could pay for them. This seriously is like a toy hospital sometimes. I keep picturing it as a board game, for simplification purposes. I recommend it; it helps.
Anyway, Owen tricked his peers into showing up for a late-night meeting to plan stuff. I bet the three young children of the wealthy benefactors were super pumped. If these kids could talk, they'd all cry "Mercy."
NEXT: Did April pass her boards? Do you have a case of the boreds?