Sam tracks down Nurse Penny, who bolted after the “show.” (Wasn’t the entire school supposed to be there?) Like the heartless wench she is, she tells him that she “didn’t hate it” but that Gaga just isn’t her thing. Then she confesses: Her musical dark side is actually something she pretended to have because of her bad boy exes, and she’s done with it. She admits that she prefers Carrie Underwood, Bruno Mars and (TA-DA!) Katy Perry. They’re both Katys! Sam loves it, Penny loves it, and the two start tongue-jousting in her office.
In the choir room, the Gagas are still fighting. It’s the day of their performance and they still don’t have a plan for their Katy song. Unique tried to break into the zoo to steal tigers, but there is no zoo, so instead she dressed Jake up as an Andrew Lloyd Webber nightmare (“I look like a gay Thundercat,” says Mungojake). Tina insists they need to lose the gimmicks and spectacle, arguing that people love Katy’s music because it’s “fun and kind and real and girl-next-door.” (Let me remind you that Katy Perry’s hit songs include the one where she sprays whipped cream from her boobs and the show-me-your-genitals anthem “Peacock.”)
The quartet decides to perform “Wide Awake” with just a piano and some stools, and it’s pretty beautiful. Good work, team! Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the show can do a damn beautiful ballad.
At the diner, Kurt is serving Starchild, who has toned down his look and transformed into Elliot Gilbert, an average college kid from Paramus who came into the city specifically to audition for Kurt’s band (let’s just pretend we forgot that he goes to NYU). Elliot confesses that one of the items on his artist bucket list is being in an indie band. “If Starchild’s too much for you, I can be whoever you want. I just wanted to make an impression,” he says, and Adam Lambert actually does well at making this believable. Kurt decides that Starchild is the best of the best, and invites him to join the band…
…which still doesn’t have a name! In the loft, Demi suggests the Nipslips. “Boob lovers of all genders will show up.” Santana suggests Areola 51, to entice the sci-fi geeks. Kurt isn’t happy with any of the choices, though. Rachel serendipitously arrives from Funny Girl rehearsal and, for absolutely no prompted reason, suggests the name Pamela Lansbury. And Kurt LOVES IT. “A band with the raw sex appeal of Pamela Anderson and the quiet dignity of Angela Lansbury!” he screams. Now Rachel just has to join, and of course, she does, because what Broadway headliner doesn’t have time to moonlight in a band?
NEXT: Jake tries to give Marley his Breadstix